Am I the only one boggled by the phrase "educate yourself?" How does one do that? It's impossible. You cannot logically teach yourself something that you do not know! If you pick up a book to help you, the book is educating you. You are learning on your own, which is a concept I agree with, but you are not educating yourself. If you learn to play an instrument without taking lessons, you are "learning" on your own, however you are not educating yourself and not teaching yourself. It's illogical to think that you can teach yourself something that you don't know!
Am I the only one who thinks tribute albums to bands that have ONE album are pretty stupid? ONE. That's like...12 songs. . What's next? A tribute album Tribute. "Man, that tribute album totally rocked! We should pay tribute to it." And don't forget string tributes for those who like Slayer, but prefer the riff to 'South of Heaven' played on the cello.
Am I the only one who finds our obsession with anti-bacterial soap a little funny? Imagine a soap that is ANTI bacterial...as opposed to regular soap which is....also anti bacterial. Soap certainly doesn't promote bacteria. My friends, I think we've all (myself included) been taken for a little ride courtesy of some ingenious marketing. Anti-bacterial just sounds good. It sounds bad ass! It sounds more active than plain old soap. People are tired of passive soap. They don't want soap that politely asks the bacteria to leave, you know, when they get the chance, if it's not too much of a problem. They want soap that sounds like it is fighting to keep us clean. Not only does the soap fight bacteria, but it grabs hold of each bacterium, gives it a good swift kick in the nuts, and then disembowels it with a sharp knife. 'Fuck you, Bacteria' the soap cries as it stands upon a mountain of dead bacteria. Now that's clean!
Plus, it puts a stigma on those who use plain soap. 'Don't shake hands with Biff. He washes with...regular soap!'. Biff. That gross bastard.
You know those big trucks that carry all the cars on them? The ones that you pull up alongside on the highway and hit the gas to get by them, hoping to God that none of the cars suddenly come loose and slide off of the truck onto the highway, turning your seemingly uneventful drive into a goddamn Jerry Bruckheimer movie. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.
So…..am I the only one who would absolutely love to see one of those trucks fuckin' jackknife and all those cars go flying and bouncing along the highway? Seriously, I would. Preferably where I can watch from a safe distance and no other cars are around. I am not hoping for a mass fatality situation here. I'm not that evil. I would just like to see 12 brand spankin' new cars defy gravity on an interstate one of these days, sending a shower of sparks and twisted wrecked metal raining down around me. Hmm… Dear Santa…..
Am I the only one thrown off when a host/hostess at a restaurant says "good evening" as I'm leaving? When I am leaving a restaurant in the evening, I expect to hear "goodnight" not "good evening." "Good evening" is something you say when someone first arrives, as is "good morning" and "good afternoon." Likewise, if they said "goodnight" to me as I arrived, I would be put off. On the other hand, "have a good evening" is a perfectly fine utterance as I'm leaving. Though you could always say, "good day" and that would be appropriate for either coming or going. These are the things I think about as I'm staring at the waitress' chest.
Am I the only one who believes that an article about Lindsay Lohan not having a drink in a week is a waste of a headline? Now you see why, when people ask if I'd ever consider going into journalism, I just shake my head and look around for something to cut my wrists with.
Am I the only one who thinks this Barack Obama/Osama Bin Laden name comparison is pretty fucking ridiculous? I've actually read articles speculating if Obama's name could ruin his chances at being our first black president should he choose to run. Yes, Obama sounds similar to Osama, but considering one is a college educated senator and the other fucks goats, lives in a cave, and orders his friends to fly planes into buildings, I think the differences are more profound. Even so, this country has shown that similarity isn't always bad. After all, George W. Bush sounds surprisingly like….George W. Bush, and somehow the American people found the guts to keep that bag of failure in office for another 4 years.
Lastly, am I the only one confused by the term 'late.' When do you stop referring to someone who is dead as 'late'? I can understand the late Steve Irwin or the late Ronald Reagan. However, I recently read about an actor who portrayed "the late James Dean" in a movie. Um, Dean died in 1955. That's over 50 years ago. Was your favorite president the late Abe Lincoln? Is there any rule established to when we just accept the fact that someone is dead? Can you refer to fictional characters are 'late'? In Spiderman 2, James Franco plays Harry Osborn, the son of the late Green Goblin.
And where did that term come from? If someone's dead, they ain't just late, they probably won't be arriving at all. Unless it's to their funeral. Then again, some people will be late to their own funeral, as the saying goes. That's an interesting concept. That would make them doubly late. Late to the second power. The late Joe Smith is late. Actually, you'd have to blame that on the driver of the hearse.
From what I gather, 'late' is term used out of respect. You don't hear much about the 'late' Uday Hussein, nor was I informed about details for the 'late' Jeffrey Dahmner's funeral. Eh, I'll stop before I get too ridiculous.
Or perhaps it's too late
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