Saturday, June 3, 2006

Am I the Only One?

Am I the only one who doesn't care to see Da Vince Code? Or read the book? Or buy the lunchbox, the t-shirt and or any other merchandise? Is it weird that I just don't care? I'm not a hater. I simply have no interest in it.

Am I the only one who doesn't give a shit about Angelina Jolie? I never thought she was that hot. And I certainly can't stand hearing about her and Brad Pitt (Brangelina? Good fucking God!) I don't care that she has big lips and I don't care that she's adopted the entire nation of Uganda. Her philanthropy really doesn't tickle me much. Same with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (TomKat? I think I want to kill myself). He's insane. That's pretty much the bottom line.

Am I the only one who doesn't like Coldplay? I guess it's for those who think U2 is a little too hardcore! Seriously, their music is so boring that the last time I heard a Coldplay song on the radio, I fell asleep before I could cut my wrists.

Am I the only one who thinks it's weird that 4 ½ years seems to be the appropriate length of time to go by before Hollywood can FINALLY start making a profit from September 11? Phew! Glad that whole cultural sensitivity shit is finally over. First United 93, now there’s a new Oliver Stone movie with Nicolas Cage (screw those no name actors!) about the firemen trapped in the World Trade Center. I guess 4 ½ years was long enough. Show me the money!

Am I the only one who doesn't cum in my pants over cover bands? Seriously, some cover bands are good, I will admit. But does EVERY cover band have to play the same songs? Is there any allowance for creativity and originality even when you're playing other peoples' music? And I don't mean just wearing a silly hat. To all you human Jukeboxes: don't be afraid to shake things up a bit. I'd love to see a cover band that played all b-sides! Here's a Bon Jovi song that you can only hear by purchasing a rare German Import from 1991. Good luck!

Am I the only one who thinks the whole romance between former Washington State teacher Mary Kay Letourneau and her (then) student is actually kind of sweet? I mean, OK so it might have a little wrong back then when he was like 13, BUT its been about 10 years! He's grown up, she's out of jail and they're still together and in love. Imagine that! A love that actually stood the test of time (and incarceration). In a country where half of all marriages end in divorce, and people are so wrapped up in their own sexual insecurities that the idea of gay people marrying bothers us more than the idea of a president who is willing to send thousands of troops to die for his personal agenda a.k.a "daddy issues", perhaps we shouldn't pass too much judgment on people who actually seem like they have a shot of being happy. Plus, you must consider one important thing: she is HOT! Seriously, go Villi! (By the way, do you know that Letourneau is actually in Microsoft Word spell check?)

Am I the only one who is disappointed when I get stuck in bumper-to- bumper traffic for an hour and the accident turns out only to be some stupid fender bender or some car with a flat tire? Don't you secretly wanna see some catastrophic 20 car pile-up to justify your inconvenience? Yes, you do:)

Am I the only one who thinks it's sad that more people vote for an American Idol than for President? The show is very proud of this statistic; however, maybe if more people voted for President, perhaps this country wouldn't be hated by the entire world. Just a thought. Maybe voting should be done via text messaging on cell phones in 2008 and the winner could release a CD of his (or her?) inauguration speech remixed by Kanye West.