Save the Music

Happy New Year! Let's start the new year off with a bang!


Armed and Famous
When I first heard about this show, I actually thought that it was a reality show about celebrities like Latoya Jackson and Ozzy Osbourne's kid training to become real cops who get to carry real weapons and actually go out on patrol. Then I—wait, are you fucking kidding me? It is? Is it possible for TV to be so terrible that I get nostalgic for the good ol' days of 'Temptation Island' and 'Who Wants to Marry My Dad?' Oh goodness….

This one's for the ladies….

The i-brator
Someone was bound to think of it and I wish it had been me. There is a vibrator called the OhMiBod that actually syncs up with your I-pod to vibrate to the rhythm of the music, thus realizing the fantasy of millions of women worldwide to be able to come to sultry sounds of Lil' Jon and the East Side Boyz. Skeet skeet motherfucker. Sounds pretty hot, right? Please note: playing an R. Kelly song will actually only cause you to pee yourself; A Coldplay song might make you fall asleep before you can climax. You can play U2 and have 10% of every orgasm donated to a starving African kid. That's something we can all feel good about. Just don't get off to a band like 4 Non Blondes: you'll have one orgasm and never be heard from again.

Holy Shiite!
According to reports, people are hung up (pun!) about the manner in which Saddam Hussein was executed. Some call it justice, while others are calling it merely a lynch mob at the hands of the Iraqi government, which makes America look really bad. And to think, we've handled this Iraq situation so well thus far.

Have you seen the cell phone footage? Seriously, what kind of cell phone was being used to capture the execution? Impressive. I know my cell phone doesn't capture video that clearly. Call me tactless, but I see a marketing opportunity here. "Hang on! I have Saddam on the line." Pun city, baby. Pun city.

Between the Michael Richards debacle and the Hussein execution, cell phone video is getting quite the reputation for being on the forefront of today's hard news. I mean, if a cell phone video of Lindsay Lohan's appendectomy surfaces, I think it's safe to say the future of digital media is here! I think that's something even Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump can agree on.

The Police might be reuniting! I have nothing bad to say. I love the Police! Fuck yeah! Songs like "So Lonely" and "Don't Stand So Close to Me" were the soundtrack to my college years! ....There's a joke in there somewhere.

Who nailed whom?
Home Depot CEO Robert Nardelli (haha…Nard) resigned amidst criticism of his performance and the company's stock value falling over his six years as CEO, despite doing well in sales. Sucks right? Pretty sweet job, huh? I wouldn't want to give up that job. Unless of course I could do so with a severance package of, say, $210 million dollars in cash and stock options. But that would be ludicrous and there's no way anyone could get that kind of deal. I mean--Wait, you're fucking kidding me! He did? I give up. What kind of screwed up world are we living in where being bad at your job nets you more cash than everyone else who works for your company combined? Suddenly drug abuse and alcoholism make so much more sense.


Ok, so here's the rant for today:

You know what commercial I hate?! The cell phone commercial where those two guys download The Clash's 'Rock the Casbah' and then spend the rest of the commercial trying to figure out what the lyrics are. The fucking lyrics to 'Rock the Casbah' are…rock the casbah!! I see the point they're trying to make, but it's a terrible song choice. Shame on the marketing executive that came up with that one.

This highlights another point. As someone who actually likes music and musicians, this culture of 'singles' and downloading one song here and there versus actually buying whole albums upsets me. In 20 years, are bands even going to continue releasing full length albums? Why bother? Music as an art form will slowly die away while bands will just be responsible for sitting around with their agents, hair stylists, personal trainers, wardrobe technicians and a team of songwriters all conspiring to make the hit single, instead of exercise any true creativity. And if I sound bitter, it's because I'm a musician who writes original music. I should have brought sexy back! I'm fuckin' Fergilicious! How did I not think of that? I'm probably aiming too high. If you can dance to something, I suppose the lyrics and substance of the song are pretty much irrelevant. While sex certainly does sell, is it too much to hope that creativity and intelligence play any role whatsoever?

I feel like music is barely hanging on as an art form. It's not about appreciating an artist for their music or looking at an album as a whole. It's about creating singles that people can sing and dance along to like zombies. Think Michael Jacksion's 'Thriller' video come to life. The proof: NOW That's What I call Music volumes 1 through 950. People are too busy to come up with their own preferences so they opt to purchase collections of "good" music spoon-fed to them with no thinking required. Sorry to break it to ya, but liking one Green Day song doesn't necessarily make you a Green Day fan.

Don't get me wrong: While I do occasionally download albums off I-tunes, I still love buying CDs and I hope they never go away, despite the popularity of digital music. I love the discs themselves, the artwork and I love the way they look lined up in my shelves. One thing I dislike about downloading music (legally) is that often even when you purchase the music, you are still limited as to what you can do with it. Either you can only burn it to CD a finite amount of times or you can't transfer it to your brand "X" mp3 player because you can only listen to it on an I-pod. On Sundays. Between the hours of 3 and 6 pm.

Save the music!

Enjoy your weekend!!!