I think I've finally figured out what makes me feel old. I don't have any gray hairs, I'm in good shape and I'm free of wrinkles and age spots, yet I still feel like an old man sometimes. Do you know why? It is because this month's Playboy Playmate was born in 1987! Twenty fucking years ago! I remember being a youngster and sneaking peeks at my friend's father's Playboy magazines and the women were all so much older and sophisticated. And naked. Can't forget that part. But still, nothing seemed so out of reach than a fresh faced 19 year old girl laying on a bear skin rug or bent over the hood of corvette. Well, now those 19 year old girls are still pretty much out of reach, but for a different reason. I'm old!
OMG! Guess what I'm doing?! LOL
I saw a news blurb debating if sending an email during sex was a sign of 'technology gone awry'. Um, no it's not. It's a sign of sex gone awry. If you're so tuned out during sex that you are sending emails, then it's bad sex. If you're having sex and doing something other than….having sex, then it's not the other activity that's the issue, it's you and/or the sex. Shame on CNN.com for asking such a stupid question. Slow news day, apparently. I should send them an email right….oh yeah, that's good…oh yeah…that's how I like it…..NOW!
Hung like a dictator!
Whether it's setting themselves on fire like Beavis and Butthead or doing 'Jackass' style stunts with painful results, one thing is clear: children can be stupid, and they love to imitate stuff they see on MTV. But apparently in the Middle East, the execution of Saddam Hussein is playing out similarly. There have been numerous cases of children imitating the mad dictator's demise. According to CNN.com, "One 12-year-old Saudi boy died after using a chair and a metal wire to hang himself from a door frame, while another in Algeria was found hanging from a tree." There have been numerous other cases of children dying from imitating Hussein's hanging. Now why would this be an issue? Said CNN.com, "Many were impressed by his dignity on the gallows in the face of insults hurled at him in his final moments and some praised him as a hero" and that way Hussein's execution played out caused some to "momentarily forget his past record." Considering how botched things have gotten in Iraq, it's only fitting that we somehow make Hussein look like a hero in the wake of his execution.
But Hussein's death pales compared to the execution of his half brother whose head snapped right off because the person in charge of determining the appropriate length of rope to use underestimated just a 'smidge.' Are you thinking what I'm thinking? What a job, right? I'm logging onto Careerbuilder.com right now to see if there are any openings! Keywords: rope estimator hanging. Hope my resume is updated! I'm gonna put that master's degree to use FINALLY!
But seriously, it reminds me of the guy whose only job as a mechanic is to change tires, yet he forgets to put the lug nuts on and your tires fall off as your pulling out the parking lot. It's hard to find good help these days!
Golden Rules
The golden rule says to "treat others as you want to be treated." Well, what if you're a masochist? You derive pleasure from pain so you inflict pain on others, as the golden rule would seemingly dictate. But you do so unto those who do not share your affection for pain. So, really you're breaking the golden rule. If you were a masochist, you'd want people to treat you the way you want to be treated (pain) by treating others the way they want to be treated (pleasure). But if someone didn't realize you were masochistic, and they, too, chose to abide by the golden rule, then they would treat you nicely, which in-turn would upset you. Then again, you might like that.
Ok, so where did that come from? I've been doing some thinking about what makes a 'good' person. I'm not a very religious person right now, but I don't believe that I have to align myself with a religious institution in order to be seen as a good human being. I have a little golden rule of my own: Don't be an asshole. In other words, be a good person. I'm sure everyone has their ideas of what makes a good person, and our government has certain laws designed to keep us in line. While some of them are absolutely ridiculous (and should be broken as you see fit), the basics are pretty reasonable, and can be seen as an appropriate measuring stick for 'goodness.' Immanuel Kant said we have a moral duty to uphold that isn't governed by religion or society, but by the will to do good. (Thank you Trine). I've come up with a few "rules" for being a good person. They don't involve God, prayers, church, tithing, goat sacrifice, saying 'candy man' three times in the mirror, or any other sort of religious activity. Let's call them Ryan's Simple Rules for Being a Decent Person, and it's a work in progress. Here's what I've come up with so far:
Treat others with the respect they deserve. But not necessarily the respect that you want to be treated with. Some people don't deserve a lot of respect. That's just reality. But respect is key. If you don't have people's respect, you don't have much.
Be courteous. If someone says "hi" to you, acknowledge them back verbally or even with a wave. There's nothing worse than someone who just ignores a pleasantry. Assholes. On a related note, hold doors for people, and say "Thank you" when someone does something nice, such as lets you cut in front of them at the supermarket, lends you five dollars, or gives you a blow job.
Respect yourself. People can tell a person who has absolutely no self respect. Usually, they just have to watch afternoon talk shows to find these classless people, or perhaps take a trip to your local Wal-Mart. Dress and act like you actually care how others see you. Present yourself in a light that accentuates your good points, which extends beyond the physical. Don't confuse this with letting other people dictate how you live your life. There's not a whole lot of respect in that either.
Laugh. Have a sense of humor. It makes life so much easier. If you really try you can find the humor in almost anything. On a related note, I'm no longer allowed at my local Planned Parenthood. But that's a story for another time.
Cry. Don't let people dictate what emotions you can and cannot have or show just because of your race or gender. Emotions are a fact of life. One sign of being a strong person is to be able to show appropriate emotions, even if it involves crying at the end of 'My Girl' or when Montel Williams reunites the midget hooker with her long lost father. There just aren't enough tissues for that.
Be a good driver. Show some respect on the road and awareness of your fellow human being. Bad drivers kill people. But I've touched upon this in previous blogs.
Find an outlet. Do something for yourself. Whether it's writing, music, video games or sodoku, find something to enjoy to take your mind off of life's everyday hassles.
Like I said, it's a work in progress, but the ideas are sound and I welcome any of you to send your ideas about what makes a 'good' person.
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