Monday, July 2, 2007

Do NOT Feed the Strippers!

Breaking News: Bush commutes the prison sentence of Lewis 'Scooter' Libby, thus refuting the idea that rich, old white men just cannot catch a break these days!

Speaking of Bush, I know I crack on him a lot. There's always someone who says, "You may not agree with Bush, but at least he stands by what he believes in." This is a stupid way of looking at it. You know who else stood by what he believed in? Hitler. And Charles Manson. And Osama Bin Laden. Standing for something and standing for something good are two different things. This follows that same idiotic logic as the 'playing God' argument I wrote about in my last blog. Hey, you may not agree with me, but at least...nah!

The big news of last week was the double murder/suicide involving WWE Superstar Chris Benoit, his wife and their seven year old mentally disabled son. True story: I ran into Benoit in the airport in Atlanta last year as he was coming out of the rest room. I said, "Hi Chris," he said, "What's up?" and kept walking. I can honestly say I saw no indication that he could commit such an act of savagery.

First off, I get antsy about the media's liberal use of the word tragedy. Tragedy is a word people love to use to dramatize everything. Benoit murdering his wife and child is certainly a tragedy; however, suicide is not a tragedy; it's a coward's way out. Though, I will say that it's tragic that Benoit's life got to the point where he felt like murder/suicide was only solution.

Another thing that pisses me off how people say things like, "There's no excuse for killing a seven year old," as if killing his wife was excusable. I know it's an attempt to seem empathetic, but I feel it just comes across as stupid and callous. Barring self defense or extenuating circumstances, there's no excuse for taking a human life, be it a seven year old child or a 43 year old woman. I don't agree that either of the murders were any more or less horrific than the other and the enormity of Benoit's crimes should not be skewed because there was a child involved.

Lastly, we all knew the media was going to blame steroids. Why not? We need to satisfy the "why" question and legally prescribed steroids were found in the house. But from what I've read, I do not see steroids as being the culprit. His latest test for steroids was negative and the murders did not appear to be the product of rage, but rather deliberation. He placed Bibles next to each of the bodies; however, no one's bringing up the ludicrous idea that he sacrificed his family to appease God. Right, because that sounds idiotic. Steroids are an easy target given the industry he was in. I do not condone steroids. They have a bad reputation, and deservingly so. I'm not saying I don't think the guy juiced; I'm sure he did. We'll probably never know why he killed his wife, child, then himself, but I'm not buying 'roid rage as a viable reason. There were bigger issues involved.

Wait! Any possibly way to blame heavy metal music? No? Ok, carry on.


Does this make me cynical?
When I saw the news articles about Jessie Davis, the pregnant woman who went missing in Ohio and then was eventually found dead, the first thing I thought was, "Wow, she's made national headlines. She must be pretty."

Shut up and strip!
A judge in Salem, Oregon ruled that lap dances are covered under free speech, thus overturning a city wide ban on "prohibitive touching," or "sexually exciting physical contact for pay." I've never really thought of lap dances as being 'free speech' though if you look at dancing as an art form, then yes, dancing of this nature should be a first amendment right. I mean, if stripping is legal, then obviously lap dances should be as well. Thinking of lap dances and free speech in the same sentence don't always sit right with me (unintentional pun!) I actually think less speech should be involved in a lap dance, and stripping in general. Personally, I don't like it when strippers make conversation. Is it because I don't value them as human beings? No. Single mothers and psychology majors need to make a buck just like anyone else. I just think that when providing a service, a fantasy, talking about their boyfriends or law school ambitions only ruins it. Honestly, I'm not good at playing along. I know the reality is that this girl would not be looking at me if I did not have dollar bills in my hand and I'm Ok with that; however I'm not OK with the stripper trying to get to know me or telling me I'm handsome. I know I'm handsome! And I'm willing to bet my appeal goes up with every dollar bill I stuff into her thong.

Truth be told, I'm not a huge fan of strip clubs in general. Yes, they're a fun night out for bachelor parties and the strippers with bullet wounds, mullets and/or lazy eyes always make for a good time. But the clubs can be creepy. Here's what I mean: Often, there's at least one guy, mid to late 60's, sitting at the front of the stage w/ a wad of singles placed upon it. As is her duty, Lola (or Candy, Bambi, Sherri, insert sexy stripper name here) is squatting down writhing and showing off the goods, while this guy just stares at her bare vagina, mouth agape with an expression on his face like he's doing complex math in his head. The crippling fear of being ever being that guy is enough to keep me away from strip clubs aside from special occasions.


Happy 4th of July

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