Hey all!
This may be the last blog I write before my liver transplant. Ok, so I wrote that last time too, but I figure one of these days it will be a true statement. Keepin' my fingers crossedJ Anyhow, this is kind of lengthy, but I have a lot to say this week.
American Idol
Ok, most of you know that I've never cared for American Idol. However, I've actually enjoyed watching some of this season with Trine. There's some legitimate talent and I can appreciate that; however, mostly it's just fun to make fun of the atrocious performances. On a positive note, I'm glad that they've let some of the contestants play instruments. It adds some dimension to their performances and allows for creativity and, dare I say it, originality, which is something that I feel this show has always lacked.
My tips to American Idol hopefuls, present and future:
First off, do not smile while you sing. This goes double if you're a guy. It's the creepiest thing I've seen in the performances thus far. It gives off this "I'm going to crawl through your TV and molest you" vibe that gives me the willies. It also makes you look like a cheesy cruise ship or lounge singer that no one enjoys when not actually on a cruise ship or in Vegas.
Secondly, leave Simon Cowell alone. I don't understand why you blame Simon for being brutally honest. He's saying what everyone else is thinking. Paula Abdul is too medicated to give a coherent opinion and Randy Jackson is too busy figuring out what variation of "dogg" or "dude" he is going to overuse for the evening's episode. If you can't handle Simon, you will never handle fame; therefore you're in no shape to be an American Idol. This is the seventh fucking season of the show. If you don't know that Simon is going to rip you apart if you're bad, then you're a moron. Stop pretending Simon is the bad guy and focus your energy on becoming a better performer.
On a related note, do not argue with the judges. If they say you're performance was bad, accept it. Arguing makes you look desperate, pathetic and weak; three characteristics that will not win you favor with the judges or the people voting at home.
Crime Dramas
Let me preface this with the fact that I love crime drama shows on TV. I love Law and Order (SVU is my favorite), CSI (the original and Miami), NCIS and Criminal Minds. But after watching so many of these shows, there are some things that have struck me as rather odd, funny, interesting, etc.
For instance, whenever the lead detective calls the "lab rat/techie" character and asks them to find information on a suspect in the computer, the techie character always knows how to spell the suspect's name, regardless of how complicated it is. Whether it's John Jones or Vlad Kryscyzhkp, they never have to ask for clarification. I find that interesting. Likewise, the techie can also pull up any bit of information possible on a suspect within seconds. The most ridiculous example of this can be found on Criminal Minds.
Then there are these insanely specific databases that, in all likelihood, do not exist. Forensic pathologist: "Well, I analyzed the trace on the victim's hand and it turned out to be chocolate. I ran the sample through the Confectionary Database. It's a chocolate primarily manufactured in the making of Snickers bars. I then analyzed the chemical composition in mass spectrometer. Turns out, it came from a batch of Snickers bars that was shipped to a bodega on 44th St just last week." Come to find out, our prime suspect, Vlad, works at a bodega on 44th. Holy shit! Case closed.
Well, not quite. See, the first suspect is rarely the killer in any crime show, regardless of how probable it seems. Says the lead detective on the case, "We have fingerprint and blood evidence, plus we have six witnesses who saw Vlad shoot our victim, all while shouting, 'I'm Vlad Kryscyzhkp and I'm shooting this man'. However, seeing that it's only 24 minutes into an hour long episode, we must dig further." Turns out, Vlad's twin brother was framing him. You'll find this out in the dramatic twist at about 55 minutes into the episode.
OR maybe not. Perhaps our friend Vlad is the killer. But his lawyer is going to claim not-guilty-by-reason-of-mental -defect. So you get to spend the rest of the episode watching the trial.
Or, there's a bigger picture. Vlad is the killer and he is NOT mentally ill. But the gun had a faulty trigger mechanism. He was waving the gun around, but never pulled the trigger. So they prosecute the gun's manufacturer. There are really countless scenarios, which is why these shows are so popular and how one franchise can have 2 or more spinoffs. These shows are extremely formulaic, but the formulas work well. I'm hooked. I have been for years. I'll admit to watching the same episodes over and over, though I give myself time to forget the outcome.
No Dumping
Hey, speaking of crime, I'm not sure why this needs to be said, but if you accidentally kill someone, or if they die in your company, do not dispose of the body yourself. Call the police. Getting rid of th ebody yourself is stupid and will make you look 100% guilty. The moron in the Natalie Halloway case claims that he was making out with her and she "just died." So he and his friend dumped her corpse in the ocean. Even if you believe this asshole, you have to admit his story has all the cleverness of Scott Peterson's "I was fishing on Christmas Eve in the bay my wife's body would eventually be found" defense. If this putz had nothing to do with her murder, why not just report it to the police? I know, I know. He was scared. I would be, too. But you know what else is scary? Anal rape. That's why I don't want to go to prison. So rest assured, if someone carcs it in my company, I'm picking up the phone and calling 911.
Why Do I watch Awards shows?
Did anyone catch George Lopez at the Grammys? You may have missed it, like me, you were too busy being vomiting up your dinner upon seeing that coked-up junkie Amy Winehouse win big. Apparently, while she scares away erections, she attracts Grammy Awards. What a disgrace. Apparently the enjoyment of "doo wop style music sung by a British crackhound" was greater than I realized. Long story short, Amy Winehouse sucks and her three awards have only gone to further damage the value of "music" awards. Anyways, I'm sure those awards were sold for drug money within hours of the broadcast.
Anyhow, in Lopez's pathetic attempt to be edgy, he said something to the effect that the United States is the only country in which a black man and white woman can run for president of the United States. Is it just me, or is that statement one of the stupidest things ever to be uttered by anyone?
First off, it's a poor attempt to be edgy. Carlos Mencia sucks at it and so does George Lopez. Just cuz you're Hispanic, doesn't mean you can talk race issues and automatically be funny. Just because you're a minority and can actually get away with being racist, it doesn't mean you don't have to be clever. Look at Dave Chappelle or Chris Rock or George Carlin (yes, I realize Carlin is white). Those comedians have funny, insightful and clever takes on race relations. Carlos Mencia thinks saying "wetback", "beaner," and doing an impression of a retarded person make him hilarious. Yeah, he's funny. Like colon cancer. Lopez isn't much better.
In addition, considering there is only ONE United States of America, it goes without saying that the UNITED STATES is the only country in which ANYONE can run for president of the UNITED STATES. Get what I'm saying? Whatever. Lopez has nothing to do with music so what he was doing at the Grammy's is anyone's guess. Then again, the Grammy's don't have all that much to do with music either. (See above rant).
Ok, I'm done. Enjoy your weekend!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Friday, February 8, 2008
Am I The Only One? Part 6: Vol. 2 (or maybe just Part 7)
Hello, sports fans!
Get it? Cuz the SuperBowl was just the other day and...oh, fuck it. I can't hide my disappointment that the Patriots couldn't pull off a perfect season. Nor could I suppress my laughter as Eli Manning tried to sound coherent in his post game interview. I guess we know which Manning brother has the on-camera skills and which one just sounds like a goofy Mississippi mud moose. Miami Dolphins fans are soothing their disappointment over what a horrific season they had this year by the fact that their 1972 team's perfect season record is still in tact. And that's your sports wrap-up.
So basically, I came up with a list of a few more items that leaving me wondering if I'm the only one, hence the title of my blog.
Am I the only one annoyed by these television ads that make is seem like having gray hair is the end of the world? Ok, first off, I do not have gray hair, but I'm pretty sure that gray hair does not make one a social outcast. Secondly, these idiots in these ads look like 25 year olds who've had their heads shoved in the ashes of someone's fireplace. No gray hair on anyone I've ever seen looks that unnatural and stupid. And what about the commercial with the two kids who want their father to be "marketable" again so they give him some hair dye to rid himself of grays. How insane is that? I'm sure those kids are the reason the father has gray hair in the first place. Anyone who's raising such meddlesome brats has got to be at his wits end.
Am I the only one who wonders why homeless people always hang out in the same place? There's a lot of homeless folk down here in Miami and they're always on the same benches day after day. I mean, if you have nowhere to be, why not travel a little bit; try out some new benches or take some walks and meet people.
Am I the only one who thinks that professional athletes should not be allowed to talk on television after a game? I don't think I've ever gleaned anything useful from a post game interview. Then again, interviewers rarely ask an intelligent question in the first place so you can't really expect the athletes' comments to have much value. For example, "So tell me, how did you guys win that game?" Athlete says, "Well, you know what I'm saying, we just went out there and played the best we could, you know? We made passing plays, we made some running plays, and we scored some points, you know? Basically, we just scored more points than the other team, you know?"
Then the interview cuts to the core of the athlete by asking, "How do you feel?" The athlete then pours out his soul: "Good, you know? I feel good. It's a good feeling, ya know, to feel good. It was a good game and we came out feeling good. Good." Ah, well done.
Am I the only one who realizes that regardless of a woman's weight and body type, wearing jeans without back pockets makes her butt look enormous?
Am I the only one who thinks Barack Obama sounds like WWE wrestler turned actor Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson? I want to see him get elected president just so he can end his inauguration speech with, "If ya smeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell what Ba-ROCK is cookin'!"
Am I the only one who thinks that men who solicit prostitutes should NOT be categorized as sex offenders? There's a huge difference between a guy who diddles a bunch of kids and one who pays some chick in hot pants for a blow job. Soliciting a hooker is essentially a victimless crime. Infidelity is immoral, but it's not illegal and it's certainly no one else's business, aside from the man and his significant other. All the risks associated with paying a woman for sex fall right back on the man, i.e. destroying his marriage (if applicable) or getting a disease.
Ok, back to work.
Get it? Cuz the SuperBowl was just the other day and...oh, fuck it. I can't hide my disappointment that the Patriots couldn't pull off a perfect season. Nor could I suppress my laughter as Eli Manning tried to sound coherent in his post game interview. I guess we know which Manning brother has the on-camera skills and which one just sounds like a goofy Mississippi mud moose. Miami Dolphins fans are soothing their disappointment over what a horrific season they had this year by the fact that their 1972 team's perfect season record is still in tact. And that's your sports wrap-up.
So basically, I came up with a list of a few more items that leaving me wondering if I'm the only one, hence the title of my blog.
Am I the only one annoyed by these television ads that make is seem like having gray hair is the end of the world? Ok, first off, I do not have gray hair, but I'm pretty sure that gray hair does not make one a social outcast. Secondly, these idiots in these ads look like 25 year olds who've had their heads shoved in the ashes of someone's fireplace. No gray hair on anyone I've ever seen looks that unnatural and stupid. And what about the commercial with the two kids who want their father to be "marketable" again so they give him some hair dye to rid himself of grays. How insane is that? I'm sure those kids are the reason the father has gray hair in the first place. Anyone who's raising such meddlesome brats has got to be at his wits end.
Am I the only one who wonders why homeless people always hang out in the same place? There's a lot of homeless folk down here in Miami and they're always on the same benches day after day. I mean, if you have nowhere to be, why not travel a little bit; try out some new benches or take some walks and meet people.
Am I the only one who thinks that professional athletes should not be allowed to talk on television after a game? I don't think I've ever gleaned anything useful from a post game interview. Then again, interviewers rarely ask an intelligent question in the first place so you can't really expect the athletes' comments to have much value. For example, "So tell me, how did you guys win that game?" Athlete says, "Well, you know what I'm saying, we just went out there and played the best we could, you know? We made passing plays, we made some running plays, and we scored some points, you know? Basically, we just scored more points than the other team, you know?"
Then the interview cuts to the core of the athlete by asking, "How do you feel?" The athlete then pours out his soul: "Good, you know? I feel good. It's a good feeling, ya know, to feel good. It was a good game and we came out feeling good. Good." Ah, well done.
Am I the only one who realizes that regardless of a woman's weight and body type, wearing jeans without back pockets makes her butt look enormous?
Am I the only one who thinks Barack Obama sounds like WWE wrestler turned actor Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson? I want to see him get elected president just so he can end his inauguration speech with, "If ya smeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell what Ba-ROCK is cookin'!"
Am I the only one who thinks that men who solicit prostitutes should NOT be categorized as sex offenders? There's a huge difference between a guy who diddles a bunch of kids and one who pays some chick in hot pants for a blow job. Soliciting a hooker is essentially a victimless crime. Infidelity is immoral, but it's not illegal and it's certainly no one else's business, aside from the man and his significant other. All the risks associated with paying a woman for sex fall right back on the man, i.e. destroying his marriage (if applicable) or getting a disease.
Ok, back to work.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Am I The Only One? Part 6
Hey all!
This could very well be the last blog I write before my transplant. I just spent six days in the hospital and hope to get my new liver soon. So, I'm gonna try and get a few things off my chest before the doctors begin routing around inside it. Note: Trine points out that the doctors will be operating on my belly, not my chest. However, no one ever says they have something to get off their belly. Please, folks, humor me.
Am I the only one annoyed by the term 'popping corn'? Seriously, Orville Redenbacher, it's pop corn. No one calls it popping corn anymore except you. And that should tell you something. And I'm ranting to a dead guy. That should tell me something.
Am I the only one psyched about the Super Bowl? Go Patriots!
Am I the only one who cracks up at those Diabetes commercials with Wilford Brimley? Come on! I know I'm not. Diabetes is NOT funny; however, "diabeetus" is just fucking hilarious. You'd think that if you're gonna be the spokesperson for an ailment, you could pronounce it correctly. But I can't complain because I'm thoroughly amused.
Am I the only one annoyed by the Cadillac commercial that asks, "When you turn your car on, does it turn you on?" Are they referring to vibrating heated seats? I need clarification. Regardless, I do not have a Cadillac. In fact, I have a 1996 Toyota Carolla w/ 188K miles on it. There's certainly nothing sexy about that.
Am I the only one annoyed by shows that claim to ask the "tough questions?" No show asks the tough questions. "What was it like kissing Justin Timberlake" is NOT a tough question. Celebrities do not want to answer tough questions. And even when an interviewer does get up the gusto to ask "the questions the world wants to know," it's inevitable that the celebrity in question will have a genius Public Relations team that's crafted 10 different ways to evade the question that will, of course, leave the interviewer with a pounding headache. Then again, when you make your living obsessing over the private lives of celebrities, perhaps you get what you deserve.
On a related note: Am I the only one elated when a member of the paparazzi gets punched in the face or has their camera smashed? Frankly, it doesn't happen nearly enough.
Am I the only one annoyed by blood donation advocates? Ok, lemme explain. I have nothing against blood donation, per se. However, with the blood mobiles come these people who stand outside the blood banks and harass the ever-loving shit out of you. For example, being on the transplant list, I cannot give blood. This is none of their business, yet I feel the need to make excuses because I would donate blood if I could. I do not owe these assholes any explanation, but I can't help feel a bit guilty. Then I just get pissed.
Here's how a typical conversation with one of these leeches goes:
"Don't forget to donate blood today!"
"Maybe some other time."
"How about today?!"
"Another time."
"What? Do you hate helping people?"
"You don't want my blood." (I've actually said this.)
"What? Do you have AIDS or something?"
"No."
"Do you share dirty needles with street folk?"
"No, I just don't want to donate blood today."
"I hope you and your AIDS have fun worshipping Satan and feeding off of the flesh of infants."
"Ok then."
You realize that's a bit of a dramatization, but not by much.
Well, it's Friday morning, I'm working from home, Niles, my puppy, is chillin' by my feet and the sun is shining. It's a good day! And I must reiterate: go Patriots!!!!
This could very well be the last blog I write before my transplant. I just spent six days in the hospital and hope to get my new liver soon. So, I'm gonna try and get a few things off my chest before the doctors begin routing around inside it. Note: Trine points out that the doctors will be operating on my belly, not my chest. However, no one ever says they have something to get off their belly. Please, folks, humor me.
Am I the only one annoyed by the term 'popping corn'? Seriously, Orville Redenbacher, it's pop corn. No one calls it popping corn anymore except you. And that should tell you something. And I'm ranting to a dead guy. That should tell me something.
Am I the only one psyched about the Super Bowl? Go Patriots!
Am I the only one who cracks up at those Diabetes commercials with Wilford Brimley? Come on! I know I'm not. Diabetes is NOT funny; however, "diabeetus" is just fucking hilarious. You'd think that if you're gonna be the spokesperson for an ailment, you could pronounce it correctly. But I can't complain because I'm thoroughly amused.
Am I the only one annoyed by the Cadillac commercial that asks, "When you turn your car on, does it turn you on?" Are they referring to vibrating heated seats? I need clarification. Regardless, I do not have a Cadillac. In fact, I have a 1996 Toyota Carolla w/ 188K miles on it. There's certainly nothing sexy about that.
Am I the only one annoyed by shows that claim to ask the "tough questions?" No show asks the tough questions. "What was it like kissing Justin Timberlake" is NOT a tough question. Celebrities do not want to answer tough questions. And even when an interviewer does get up the gusto to ask "the questions the world wants to know," it's inevitable that the celebrity in question will have a genius Public Relations team that's crafted 10 different ways to evade the question that will, of course, leave the interviewer with a pounding headache. Then again, when you make your living obsessing over the private lives of celebrities, perhaps you get what you deserve.
On a related note: Am I the only one elated when a member of the paparazzi gets punched in the face or has their camera smashed? Frankly, it doesn't happen nearly enough.
Am I the only one annoyed by blood donation advocates? Ok, lemme explain. I have nothing against blood donation, per se. However, with the blood mobiles come these people who stand outside the blood banks and harass the ever-loving shit out of you. For example, being on the transplant list, I cannot give blood. This is none of their business, yet I feel the need to make excuses because I would donate blood if I could. I do not owe these assholes any explanation, but I can't help feel a bit guilty. Then I just get pissed.
Here's how a typical conversation with one of these leeches goes:
"Don't forget to donate blood today!"
"Maybe some other time."
"How about today?!"
"Another time."
"What? Do you hate helping people?"
"You don't want my blood." (I've actually said this.)
"What? Do you have AIDS or something?"
"No."
"Do you share dirty needles with street folk?"
"No, I just don't want to donate blood today."
"I hope you and your AIDS have fun worshipping Satan and feeding off of the flesh of infants."
"Ok then."
You realize that's a bit of a dramatization, but not by much.
Well, it's Friday morning, I'm working from home, Niles, my puppy, is chillin' by my feet and the sun is shining. It's a good day! And I must reiterate: go Patriots!!!!
Friday, January 18, 2008
Tiger Attacks! Tiger Attacked!
Breaking News! Bush to send 10,000 American troops to Washington to force economy to get better.
(Just kidding! He'll most likely leave it for the next president to deal with, right along with the Error on Terror in the middle east and the social security debacle.)
Happy New Year, folks! This is my first blog of 2008. Welcome. We've got a lot to discuss.
One sure sign that you're out of shape: You hurt your shoulder taking off your sock. Seriously.
This guy needs to get healthy and back to the gym full-time. I will admit that since I've been sick and waiting for transplant (and not been able exercise regularly) I've sorta let my nutrition go to hell. I've still lost weight, thought it's due mostly to diminished muscle mass. I still joke, however, that you would have to be sick to eat like I eat and NOT gain weight. But hey, if you're looking to lose weight, and aren't lucky enough to have a liver disorder, there's help out there. You could always try Alli weight loss products! Lose 5-10 pounds in six months! Warning: You may also lose 3-4 friends and 5-6 chairs, depending on just how gassy you are, how oily your anal discharge is and how loose and uncontrollable your stools become. Listen folks, wouldn't it be easier to just exercise a bit and eat better? Losing 5-10 pounds over the course of six months, while commendable, is not a feat of the Gods and doesn't seem worth the disgusting side effects.
Ok, onto the good stuff…
Now, I realize I'm supposed to have compassion when a tragedy occurs, for example, when someone gets eaten by a Tiger...on Christmas. Right? So how wrong is it that I think the tiger got the raw deal in this case? By now, you've all read about the attack at the San Francisco Zoo on Christmas Day. One kid was killed and two were attacked by Tatiania, the lovable, cute, stripey 350 lb Tiger, who was also killed following the attacks. And true, the fence around the enclosure was four feet below requirement. Oops. That should not be overlooked. Yet, evidence has come to light that the boys were taunting and yelling at the Tiger. And they had been drinking. And smoking pot. So why is it that everyone acts so surprised and appalled when the tiger attacked, as it would in the wild when it feels threatened? It's the same way people act shocked when someone is attacked by a shark…in the water..where sharks live. The tiger was acting on instinct. It was agitated by the boys' idiotic and disrespectful actions, so it attacked.
Now, I'm definitely not one of those people who think zoos are cruel and that animals should not be penned up. I love zoos, but I also have respect for nature, specifically large 350 lb cats that could take my head off with a quick snap of its jaws. I realize that killing Tatiania was probably the only way to subdue the animal and protect the public from further attacks, however I hope that a lesson comes from all this. Ok, two lessons. First, build enclosures to code, especially around dangerous wild animals. But most importantly, respect nature. Nature can be beautiful, but it can also be very dangerous. It's too bad some have to learn the hard way.
Why?
Ok, sometimes I see something and just ask myself 'Why?' In most cases, it's easy to comprehend why people do the things they do, but at times people's reasoning is lost on me. For example, a bank robbery. It's illegal and dangerous, but the motivation is understandable: money, and maybe the sheer thrill of the heist if it's an elaborate Ocean's 11 type scheme. But when I walk into the men's room and head towards my favorite stall (the one furthest from the door, naturally) and see that I cannot use it because someone has stuffed a pound of toilet paper in it, I can't help but wonder 'why?' What's the motivation there? Perhaps someone has a grudge against the maintenance staff.
Phil 'Er Up
Though we're barely three weeks into the new year, a lot crazy stuff has happened. I assume you've heard about the controversy created by Dr. Phil when he barged into Britney Spears' hospital room in an attempt to conduct an intervention, which he planned to air. He scrapped the idea (for now) when critics said he went too far and succeeded in only exploiting Britney Spears for ratings. Shame on Dr. Phil! The irony here is stifling. How can the media accuse someone of exploiting Britney Spears? They all exploit her. She's America's favorite Swamp Trash sweetheart and we can't get enough. It's laughable for the media to even suggest that she's not exploited for ratings on any news program/tabloid TV show on a daily basis. You can't deny it: America feeds off of celebrities and right now we're getting a healthy helping of batshit-crazy baby-dropping redneck au gratin. Eat up!
Other fun stuff:
An Idaho man who claims he saw the biblical 'mark of the beast' on his hand, took a circular saw and cut said hand off. That's bad, but it gets better. He then called 911…but not before microwaving the hand. He had the presence of mind to apply a tourniquet beforeHAND (haha…a pun!) Anyhow, the New Testament contains a passage in which an angel is quoted as saying: "If anyone worships the beast and his image and receives his mark on the forehead or on the hand, he, too, will drink the wine of God's fury." In addition, the book of Matthew contains the passage: "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for you whole body to do into hell."
I think it's about time that the Bible gets a preface or a warning label of some sort. People obviously cannot be trusted to read it on their own. Readers Beware: The stories contained herein are not to be taken literally. Do not cut off body parts, sacrifice people/ animals in the name of God, or any other inane shit that will kill you or land you in prison.
Well, that's One Way to Break-Up With Her
In other news involving cooking flesh, a 25 year old man in Texas (go figure) was arrested for killing and cooking his girlfriend. He alerted the authorities of his actions and when asked why he did it he said…drum roll please….God made him do it. Of course. Why not mental retardation? Or post-partum depression? Or the fucking smurfs?! Police say it was unclear if he actually ate any of the cooked flesh, some of which was sitting on a plate on the table when police arrived.
Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden (but not from making stupid comments)
Then there's Kelly Tilghman, some twit on the Golf channel, who made a comment about other how golfers who wanted to challenge Tiger Woods should lynch him. Apparently, it was a joke, Tiger Woods isn't upset and the two are actually friends. Well, Tiger shouldn't be upset. He's not even black!! Ok, he's part black. But, if you wanna offend Tiger Woods you gotta do better than that. I imagine something like: "Yeah, they should lynch him. Then burn his Kenny G. Cds, shove an eggroll up his ass and do a rain dance around him." I think that covers his background quite well. But kudos to Tiger Woods for not making a big deal about this. Any other idiot would be out there on the golf course with that dopey troll Al Sharpton and 50 reporters around him demanding an apology,Tilghman's termination and reparations for all the racist comments her family may have made over the last 100 years. People are stupid. Be above it. You could buy and sell that bitch a million times over.
Update:
Ok, and this shit is the brilliant idea of the editor who just got fired from Golfweek for his brilliant idea. What a colossal moron. Though, in his defense, a noose and the game of golf do go together; I know that five seconds of watching golf on TV and I'm ready to slip one of those bad boys around my neck and head for the nearest jumping off point.
Championship Playoffs this weekend!! Go Patriots.
Lots o' Love - Ry
(Just kidding! He'll most likely leave it for the next president to deal with, right along with the Error on Terror in the middle east and the social security debacle.)
Happy New Year, folks! This is my first blog of 2008. Welcome. We've got a lot to discuss.
One sure sign that you're out of shape: You hurt your shoulder taking off your sock. Seriously.
This guy needs to get healthy and back to the gym full-time. I will admit that since I've been sick and waiting for transplant (and not been able exercise regularly) I've sorta let my nutrition go to hell. I've still lost weight, thought it's due mostly to diminished muscle mass. I still joke, however, that you would have to be sick to eat like I eat and NOT gain weight. But hey, if you're looking to lose weight, and aren't lucky enough to have a liver disorder, there's help out there. You could always try Alli weight loss products! Lose 5-10 pounds in six months! Warning: You may also lose 3-4 friends and 5-6 chairs, depending on just how gassy you are, how oily your anal discharge is and how loose and uncontrollable your stools become. Listen folks, wouldn't it be easier to just exercise a bit and eat better? Losing 5-10 pounds over the course of six months, while commendable, is not a feat of the Gods and doesn't seem worth the disgusting side effects.
Ok, onto the good stuff…
Now, I realize I'm supposed to have compassion when a tragedy occurs, for example, when someone gets eaten by a Tiger...on Christmas. Right? So how wrong is it that I think the tiger got the raw deal in this case? By now, you've all read about the attack at the San Francisco Zoo on Christmas Day. One kid was killed and two were attacked by Tatiania, the lovable, cute, stripey 350 lb Tiger, who was also killed following the attacks. And true, the fence around the enclosure was four feet below requirement. Oops. That should not be overlooked. Yet, evidence has come to light that the boys were taunting and yelling at the Tiger. And they had been drinking. And smoking pot. So why is it that everyone acts so surprised and appalled when the tiger attacked, as it would in the wild when it feels threatened? It's the same way people act shocked when someone is attacked by a shark…in the water..where sharks live. The tiger was acting on instinct. It was agitated by the boys' idiotic and disrespectful actions, so it attacked.
Now, I'm definitely not one of those people who think zoos are cruel and that animals should not be penned up. I love zoos, but I also have respect for nature, specifically large 350 lb cats that could take my head off with a quick snap of its jaws. I realize that killing Tatiania was probably the only way to subdue the animal and protect the public from further attacks, however I hope that a lesson comes from all this. Ok, two lessons. First, build enclosures to code, especially around dangerous wild animals. But most importantly, respect nature. Nature can be beautiful, but it can also be very dangerous. It's too bad some have to learn the hard way.
Why?
Ok, sometimes I see something and just ask myself 'Why?' In most cases, it's easy to comprehend why people do the things they do, but at times people's reasoning is lost on me. For example, a bank robbery. It's illegal and dangerous, but the motivation is understandable: money, and maybe the sheer thrill of the heist if it's an elaborate Ocean's 11 type scheme. But when I walk into the men's room and head towards my favorite stall (the one furthest from the door, naturally) and see that I cannot use it because someone has stuffed a pound of toilet paper in it, I can't help but wonder 'why?' What's the motivation there? Perhaps someone has a grudge against the maintenance staff.
Phil 'Er Up
Though we're barely three weeks into the new year, a lot crazy stuff has happened. I assume you've heard about the controversy created by Dr. Phil when he barged into Britney Spears' hospital room in an attempt to conduct an intervention, which he planned to air. He scrapped the idea (for now) when critics said he went too far and succeeded in only exploiting Britney Spears for ratings. Shame on Dr. Phil! The irony here is stifling. How can the media accuse someone of exploiting Britney Spears? They all exploit her. She's America's favorite Swamp Trash sweetheart and we can't get enough. It's laughable for the media to even suggest that she's not exploited for ratings on any news program/tabloid TV show on a daily basis. You can't deny it: America feeds off of celebrities and right now we're getting a healthy helping of batshit-crazy baby-dropping redneck au gratin. Eat up!
Other fun stuff:
An Idaho man who claims he saw the biblical 'mark of the beast' on his hand, took a circular saw and cut said hand off. That's bad, but it gets better. He then called 911…but not before microwaving the hand. He had the presence of mind to apply a tourniquet beforeHAND (haha…a pun!) Anyhow, the New Testament contains a passage in which an angel is quoted as saying: "If anyone worships the beast and his image and receives his mark on the forehead or on the hand, he, too, will drink the wine of God's fury." In addition, the book of Matthew contains the passage: "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for you whole body to do into hell."
I think it's about time that the Bible gets a preface or a warning label of some sort. People obviously cannot be trusted to read it on their own. Readers Beware: The stories contained herein are not to be taken literally. Do not cut off body parts, sacrifice people/ animals in the name of God, or any other inane shit that will kill you or land you in prison.
Well, that's One Way to Break-Up With Her
In other news involving cooking flesh, a 25 year old man in Texas (go figure) was arrested for killing and cooking his girlfriend. He alerted the authorities of his actions and when asked why he did it he said…drum roll please….God made him do it. Of course. Why not mental retardation? Or post-partum depression? Or the fucking smurfs?! Police say it was unclear if he actually ate any of the cooked flesh, some of which was sitting on a plate on the table when police arrived.
Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden (but not from making stupid comments)
Then there's Kelly Tilghman, some twit on the Golf channel, who made a comment about other how golfers who wanted to challenge Tiger Woods should lynch him. Apparently, it was a joke, Tiger Woods isn't upset and the two are actually friends. Well, Tiger shouldn't be upset. He's not even black!! Ok, he's part black. But, if you wanna offend Tiger Woods you gotta do better than that. I imagine something like: "Yeah, they should lynch him. Then burn his Kenny G. Cds, shove an eggroll up his ass and do a rain dance around him." I think that covers his background quite well. But kudos to Tiger Woods for not making a big deal about this. Any other idiot would be out there on the golf course with that dopey troll Al Sharpton and 50 reporters around him demanding an apology,Tilghman's termination and reparations for all the racist comments her family may have made over the last 100 years. People are stupid. Be above it. You could buy and sell that bitch a million times over.
Update:
Ok, and this shit is the brilliant idea of the editor who just got fired from Golfweek for his brilliant idea. What a colossal moron. Though, in his defense, a noose and the game of golf do go together; I know that five seconds of watching golf on TV and I'm ready to slip one of those bad boys around my neck and head for the nearest jumping off point.
Championship Playoffs this weekend!! Go Patriots.
Lots o' Love - Ry
Monday, December 31, 2007
Looking Back, Looking Forward
Hey all,
It's New Year's Eve and I'm sure many of you are taking a moment to reflect on the past 365 days. If you're like me, you may even have taken some time to jot down your thoughts. Here are some of mine:
2007 was a rollercoaster year for me. Most notably, my health has deteriorated to the point of needing a liver transplant. I've already detailed my issues in past blogs so I'll keep this brief. I was hospitalized in July and have been battling liver failure ever since. I was listed for transplant on December 6, 2007. The past few months have been some of the hardest ever where my health is concerned. Thankfully, I've been feeling pretty good over the past couple of weeks. I hope that feeling continues up until the point I'm transplanted. We shall see.
My illness has been quite an ordeal, but I can't forget about some of the other notable happenings in 2007.
In December 2006, after almost 26 years of living with my family, I finally moved out of the house and was truly supporting myself. I had a decent job, a great apartment with a really cool roommate and had some great times, including many Patriots and Red Sox games on our killer high definition TV.
Speaking of New England sports, 2007 also saw the Boston Red Sox win the World Series for the second time in 4 years! Last night, the New England Patriots completed a perfect 16-0 season! It's a great time to be a New England sports fan.
2007 Fun Fact: I bought my first ipod this year.
In addition, my relationship with Trine grew and what started as a friendship between two people with similar (but different) health issues grew into something much more significant and special than I'd ever imagined. What began as a visit in December 2006 has become a loving relationship, partnership and, most necessary of all, a supportive friendship. I'm writing this blog from Miami, Florida, where most of you know I moved to a few months ago to be with Trine after nine months of phone calls and plane rides. I quit my job in Hartford and was in the process of moving down when I received a phone call and a job offer that I'd been hoping for, making the transition to south Florida a lot easier. Earlier in the year, my mother got a new job in south Florida so my mother, her boyfriend and my brother also moved to south Florida. Having family around has been great, especially given my health issues.
2007 Fun Fact: I ate four buffalo chicken sandwiches in a single sitting.
In August 2007, Trine and I bought Niles, an awesome puggle puppy (his mother was a beagle and his father was a pug). Niles is the sweetest, friendliest and most loving puppy you could ever want to meet. I've always wanted a dog and Trine helped make that dream a reality. Niles is now six months old and doing well. See my pics!
2007 Fun Fact: Alicia Keys' hit song "No One" is awful. Just plain awful.
Also, in 2007, my best friend, Beau, and his wife, moved away to Michigan so he could pursue his career. Though I was already planning to move to Miami, this has put a damper on our 13 years of songwriting. Our acoustic group, Championship Vinyl, is currently on hiatus, but I have no doubts that he and I will collaborate musically again in the future.
Shortly after Beau's move, I played my first solo acoustic show. It had been something I'd wanted to do for a long time, if simply to know that I could. I did and it was a lot of fun. It boosted my confidence in myself a musician. I've only played a couple shows since August due to both my move and illness, but one of my goals over the next year is to play out again.
2007 Fun Fact: Trine gave me the Nintendo Wii for my birthday. Thankfully, no blood was shed in the process.
With all the positives, I can't quite say I'm happy to see 2007 go, but I do have high expectations for 2008. Obviously, I hope to be transplanted in early 2008 and on my way to recovering and getting my life back. One of my favorite passions, weightlifting, has been put on hold until I am transplanted and recovered. I know it's going to be a long road to recovery, but I'm hoping 2008 will hold a lot of positive things for me health wise. I hope to write more fiction, blogs and music. I hope to both record and perform more in 2008.
2007 Fun Fact: This year was 60 minutes shorter than it should have been. I do not account for the hour I wasted watching the Soprano's finale.
Also, I have some friends getting married this year and hope to be healthy enough to attend their weddings in the summer. Sadly, I've already had to cancel my attendance at one wedding due to my health.
Trine is currently applying to medical schools so there may be a move in our future, but we're committed to each other and to making the relationship work. I think 2008 is going to be a very exciting year for us.
Happy New Year!!!
To 2007: It's been swell, but the swelling's gone down. Welcome, 2008.
It's New Year's Eve and I'm sure many of you are taking a moment to reflect on the past 365 days. If you're like me, you may even have taken some time to jot down your thoughts. Here are some of mine:
2007 was a rollercoaster year for me. Most notably, my health has deteriorated to the point of needing a liver transplant. I've already detailed my issues in past blogs so I'll keep this brief. I was hospitalized in July and have been battling liver failure ever since. I was listed for transplant on December 6, 2007. The past few months have been some of the hardest ever where my health is concerned. Thankfully, I've been feeling pretty good over the past couple of weeks. I hope that feeling continues up until the point I'm transplanted. We shall see.
My illness has been quite an ordeal, but I can't forget about some of the other notable happenings in 2007.
In December 2006, after almost 26 years of living with my family, I finally moved out of the house and was truly supporting myself. I had a decent job, a great apartment with a really cool roommate and had some great times, including many Patriots and Red Sox games on our killer high definition TV.
Speaking of New England sports, 2007 also saw the Boston Red Sox win the World Series for the second time in 4 years! Last night, the New England Patriots completed a perfect 16-0 season! It's a great time to be a New England sports fan.
2007 Fun Fact: I bought my first ipod this year.
In addition, my relationship with Trine grew and what started as a friendship between two people with similar (but different) health issues grew into something much more significant and special than I'd ever imagined. What began as a visit in December 2006 has become a loving relationship, partnership and, most necessary of all, a supportive friendship. I'm writing this blog from Miami, Florida, where most of you know I moved to a few months ago to be with Trine after nine months of phone calls and plane rides. I quit my job in Hartford and was in the process of moving down when I received a phone call and a job offer that I'd been hoping for, making the transition to south Florida a lot easier. Earlier in the year, my mother got a new job in south Florida so my mother, her boyfriend and my brother also moved to south Florida. Having family around has been great, especially given my health issues.
2007 Fun Fact: I ate four buffalo chicken sandwiches in a single sitting.
In August 2007, Trine and I bought Niles, an awesome puggle puppy (his mother was a beagle and his father was a pug). Niles is the sweetest, friendliest and most loving puppy you could ever want to meet. I've always wanted a dog and Trine helped make that dream a reality. Niles is now six months old and doing well. See my pics!
2007 Fun Fact: Alicia Keys' hit song "No One" is awful. Just plain awful.
Also, in 2007, my best friend, Beau, and his wife, moved away to Michigan so he could pursue his career. Though I was already planning to move to Miami, this has put a damper on our 13 years of songwriting. Our acoustic group, Championship Vinyl, is currently on hiatus, but I have no doubts that he and I will collaborate musically again in the future.
Shortly after Beau's move, I played my first solo acoustic show. It had been something I'd wanted to do for a long time, if simply to know that I could. I did and it was a lot of fun. It boosted my confidence in myself a musician. I've only played a couple shows since August due to both my move and illness, but one of my goals over the next year is to play out again.
2007 Fun Fact: Trine gave me the Nintendo Wii for my birthday. Thankfully, no blood was shed in the process.
With all the positives, I can't quite say I'm happy to see 2007 go, but I do have high expectations for 2008. Obviously, I hope to be transplanted in early 2008 and on my way to recovering and getting my life back. One of my favorite passions, weightlifting, has been put on hold until I am transplanted and recovered. I know it's going to be a long road to recovery, but I'm hoping 2008 will hold a lot of positive things for me health wise. I hope to write more fiction, blogs and music. I hope to both record and perform more in 2008.
2007 Fun Fact: This year was 60 minutes shorter than it should have been. I do not account for the hour I wasted watching the Soprano's finale.
Also, I have some friends getting married this year and hope to be healthy enough to attend their weddings in the summer. Sadly, I've already had to cancel my attendance at one wedding due to my health.
Trine is currently applying to medical schools so there may be a move in our future, but we're committed to each other and to making the relationship work. I think 2008 is going to be a very exciting year for us.
Happy New Year!!!
To 2007: It's been swell, but the swelling's gone down. Welcome, 2008.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Merry Christmas! (And some other stuff)
Hey everyone,
First off: Merry Christmas! This will probably be the last blog before the holiday, so I hope it's a happy one for you all and that you enjoy your brand new cars and expensive jewelry, which are evidently the true symbols of the holiday this year.
Seriously, do people really buy each other cars for Christmas? What kind of gift is it really? If you buy your loved one a $30,000 car, do you pay all $30,000? Or do you put down the initial amount due at signing and the rest is up to them? "Happy Holidays, baby. I put $2,000 down on a brand new car for you. Now you're saddled with an extra $350 per month car payment plus your insurance premium will also go up. I love you!"
Joking aside, I really am looking forward to the holiday. It will be different than previous Christmases, but change is good. I'm grateful to be spending the holiday w/ my girlfriend Trine, our half-insane puppy Niles, Trine's family, my mother, her boyfriend and my brother. I know there are a lot of people that I normally spend the holiday with, or at least see at some point, and though that's not happening this year, rest assured you're in my thoughts. With my health being less than stellar this year, family and friends seem all the more important. I'm usually not so sentimental, but I've posted the video of "Better Days" by Goo Goo Dolls on my page. I think it warrants a listen.
Even serial killers are cute at some point
Recently, CNN ran a story about a five year old Arkansas boy who killed a 445 lb bear. Now, my first reaction was 'wow, this boy was attacked and somehow managed to not only escape, but kill the bear. What a feat.' Alas, I gave him too much credit. Turns out the boy shot and killed the bear from a tree stand. Hey, that's pretty darn impress--…wait, what the fuck is a five year old doing with a rifle?! What kind of parents are raising this kid? Am I the only one who is a tad concerned? While this news item fascinating enough to make headlines, did anyone stop to realize that a 5 year old is handling a deadly firearm? And if I remember correctly, most serial killers start off killing animals as children. Let's keep an eye on this kid.
Experimental plane crash kills 1 (actual headline from Cnn.com)
Ok, maybe this is being nitpicky, but what exactly was the experiemental part? The plane? Or the crash? "Listen Jimmy, we're trying out a new experimental way to crash this plane. It involves chickens, a grease fire and the complete first season of Gilmore Girls on DVD. You in? " Ok, so I realize the real meaning of the headline, but it doesn't take away from the fact that it's poorly written. I just thought I'd point that out, considering these people are supposedly professional writers.
If I'm offended, it must be bad….
I'm not above a tasteless joke, bad humor or pushing the envelope. You've read my blogs, you know what I'm capable of. I've blogged about school shootings in the past, including the Virginia Tech shootings, but my scorn, anger, rage, etc is always aimed at the pathetic loser who commits the crime and I never intend to poke fun or make light of the victims. That being said, there are some pictures circulating on the internet via Facebook of some college kids (in Pennyslyvania, I think), including one very obviously drunk girl, dressed up as Virginia Tech victims for Halloween, complete with V-Tech shirts, bullet holes and fake blood. What's even worse is that the kids admit that they're being disrespectful assholes. In fact, their intent was to shock and disgust fellow party goers and they showed no remorse when the pictures surfaced. This really pissed me off.
First off, you skank, you wanna shock someone? How about not having to do the walk-of-shame home the next morning with vomit and some guy's dong stains in your hair.
Secondly, I wholeheartedly support any threats of violence and retaliation on the part of current Virginia Tech students who are saddened, angered, outraged and disgusted by this display of utter disregard for the victims. Some people, regardless of gender, just need to get a good, old fashioned ass-kicking.
Lastly, the more I hear about what goes on on Facebook, the more credibility Myspace gets.
Anyhow, I hope you all get what you want for Christmas and that Santa Claus tickles you all in the right spots. Have a Merry one!
Next blog: Looking back on 2007, Looking forward to 2008.
First off: Merry Christmas! This will probably be the last blog before the holiday, so I hope it's a happy one for you all and that you enjoy your brand new cars and expensive jewelry, which are evidently the true symbols of the holiday this year.
Seriously, do people really buy each other cars for Christmas? What kind of gift is it really? If you buy your loved one a $30,000 car, do you pay all $30,000? Or do you put down the initial amount due at signing and the rest is up to them? "Happy Holidays, baby. I put $2,000 down on a brand new car for you. Now you're saddled with an extra $350 per month car payment plus your insurance premium will also go up. I love you!"
Joking aside, I really am looking forward to the holiday. It will be different than previous Christmases, but change is good. I'm grateful to be spending the holiday w/ my girlfriend Trine, our half-insane puppy Niles, Trine's family, my mother, her boyfriend and my brother. I know there are a lot of people that I normally spend the holiday with, or at least see at some point, and though that's not happening this year, rest assured you're in my thoughts. With my health being less than stellar this year, family and friends seem all the more important. I'm usually not so sentimental, but I've posted the video of "Better Days" by Goo Goo Dolls on my page. I think it warrants a listen.
Even serial killers are cute at some point
Recently, CNN ran a story about a five year old Arkansas boy who killed a 445 lb bear. Now, my first reaction was 'wow, this boy was attacked and somehow managed to not only escape, but kill the bear. What a feat.' Alas, I gave him too much credit. Turns out the boy shot and killed the bear from a tree stand. Hey, that's pretty darn impress--…wait, what the fuck is a five year old doing with a rifle?! What kind of parents are raising this kid? Am I the only one who is a tad concerned? While this news item fascinating enough to make headlines, did anyone stop to realize that a 5 year old is handling a deadly firearm? And if I remember correctly, most serial killers start off killing animals as children. Let's keep an eye on this kid.
Experimental plane crash kills 1 (actual headline from Cnn.com)
Ok, maybe this is being nitpicky, but what exactly was the experiemental part? The plane? Or the crash? "Listen Jimmy, we're trying out a new experimental way to crash this plane. It involves chickens, a grease fire and the complete first season of Gilmore Girls on DVD. You in? " Ok, so I realize the real meaning of the headline, but it doesn't take away from the fact that it's poorly written. I just thought I'd point that out, considering these people are supposedly professional writers.
If I'm offended, it must be bad….
I'm not above a tasteless joke, bad humor or pushing the envelope. You've read my blogs, you know what I'm capable of. I've blogged about school shootings in the past, including the Virginia Tech shootings, but my scorn, anger, rage, etc is always aimed at the pathetic loser who commits the crime and I never intend to poke fun or make light of the victims. That being said, there are some pictures circulating on the internet via Facebook of some college kids (in Pennyslyvania, I think), including one very obviously drunk girl, dressed up as Virginia Tech victims for Halloween, complete with V-Tech shirts, bullet holes and fake blood. What's even worse is that the kids admit that they're being disrespectful assholes. In fact, their intent was to shock and disgust fellow party goers and they showed no remorse when the pictures surfaced. This really pissed me off.
First off, you skank, you wanna shock someone? How about not having to do the walk-of-shame home the next morning with vomit and some guy's dong stains in your hair.
Secondly, I wholeheartedly support any threats of violence and retaliation on the part of current Virginia Tech students who are saddened, angered, outraged and disgusted by this display of utter disregard for the victims. Some people, regardless of gender, just need to get a good, old fashioned ass-kicking.
Lastly, the more I hear about what goes on on Facebook, the more credibility Myspace gets.
Anyhow, I hope you all get what you want for Christmas and that Santa Claus tickles you all in the right spots. Have a Merry one!
Next blog: Looking back on 2007, Looking forward to 2008.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
To All My Friends
Hey everyone,
Thank you in advance for reading this blog. This is particularly important because it's one of the more serious entries I've ever written. I've talked to some of you on the phone so this may not be a surprise to everyone, but for those of you whom I have not been in contact with in the past month or so, this is the best way for me to keep in touch at the moment.
Those of you who know me, or have kept up with my blogs, remember the situation this past summer where I wound up in the hospital with severe jaundice (yellowing of the skin and eyes due to bile in the bloodstream a.k.a bilirubin level), elevated liver enzymes and an intense headache. Most of you also know that I have had Biliary Atresia, a rare liver disorder, since birth. I've gotten 27 years out of a damaged liver and am grateful for every moment.
Up until July, I had been the picture of good health. I watched my diet and worked out 4-6 days/week. In July, I spent eight days in the hospital. The doctors ran all sorts of tests (spinal tap, liver biopsy, CT scan, X-rays) but all they did was rule out diagnoses. I was released with a "wait and see" discharge plan. The doctors had attributed my illness to an acute toxic injury, possibly due to a weight lifting supplement I had been using, and were confident that with time, and a low fat, high protein diet, all would be well. They were wrong.
Since my hospitalization, I've continued to battle elevated liver ezymes and decreased liver function, resulting in jaundice (bilirubin 10 times my normal range), itching and general discomfort. For example, most people have a bilirubin of less than 1. I've always been between 2 and 3 because of my Biliary Atresia. As of my labs last week, my bilirubin was at 28. Sometimes my episodes would coincide with me eating a meal high in fat or protein, most notably pizza. Things would level off, then spike again. I spent weeks trying to figure out what in my diet/environment could be causing me to get sick. Dairy? Fat? I was not getting the answers I needed. The 'wait and see' mentality was getting me nowhere. I was aggravated because I'd never dealt with this before. I'd been so healthy that I was quick to take my docs word and didn't always know what questions to ask, or think that I should doubt the diagnosis. I could not deny, however, that my liver was still acting up.
In the midst of all of this, I made the decision to quit my job and move to Miami, Florida to be with my girlfriend, Trine, and our puppy, Niles. Trine assured me that the doctors in Miami were amazing and would get to the bottom of what was making me ill. Just before I left, I had another episode of jaundice. I had labs done, my bili was very high and the doctors wanted to bring me in for tests to determine if there was a blockage in the bile flow. I was supposed to leave on September 24 and they wanted me to come on in on September 27. Against doctor's advice, I opted to leave for Miami anyway. Despite the labs, I was feeling good. I got one last set of labs and left the morning on September 24 as scheduled. Later that day, I found out my labs indeed looked a lot better than the previous week. Another piece of good news came the following day as I was traveling through North Carolina; I got the job offer that I had been waiting for, complete with benefits (medical insurance!) starting immediately and a base salary beyond what I was expecting. Life was good.
I got through about a week of life in Miami before I got sick again. My skin became jaundiced and itchy again and I was throwing up every so often. While I knew I needed to see a specialist, in the meantime I made an appointment with a general practitioner in order to get labs done and found that my liver functions were once again elevated. After keeping a food log, together (though mostly Trine's idea) we concluded that my liver could no longer handle large amounts of protein. As someone who has always enjoyed a high protein diet, this was a hard realization. I'd only worked out a handful of times since July, lost a lot of weight and, while I still had some muscle tone, my muscle mass was reduced. This was hard enough, but cutting out protein, the building blocks of muscle, was tougher still. I started a very low protein diet (vegetarian, for the most part) and I did see improvement in both appearance and the way I felt overall. I realized that this was only a band-aid solution. My general practitioner would be good for getting labs and a check-up, but I needed to see a real liver specialist. Trine, whose love and support (and connections at the hospital) have been invaluable to me during this time, was able to get me an appointment with one of the best hepatologists in the country, Dr. Eugene Schiff. We faxed him my medical records and, before I even saw Schiff on October 23, he had made up his mind: I would need a liver transplant.
While I wasn't expecting to need a transplant, I was grateful for answers. The doctors up north had provided none. To my relief, my health issues weren't due to anything I was doing; not the creatine supplement, not the fat, not the protein. I was finally becoming symptomatic of the secondary biliary cirrhosis caused by my liver disorder. My family did not seem surprised by this and always knew that transplantation was a possibility.
Overall, there's a feeling of optimism between myself, my family, Trine and the doctors. I'm young, relatively healthy and will get through the transplant, and subsequent recovery. I will feel better than ever; better than I did on my healthiest day pre-transplant. The liver is the body's engine. When it's on the fritz, everything suffers. I'm finding that out firsthand. But I'm getting a new engine and my body is going to feel unlike it ever has before.
While I'm 110% optimistic about the transplant and recovery, it's the waiting that's got me feeling anxious. I'm in the process of getting various tests and procedures done so they can place me on the list for transplant. If all goes well, I will be on that list by early December. Then I wait. Trine's mother said she would be surprised if I was waiting for more than a few months, but I must try to prepare myself to wait as long as necessary and hope that I can maintain a good level of health until then.
In the interim, I'm doing my best to just live my life. My new job is going alright. Sometimes it's hard to concentrate and stay focused when I'm feeling uncomfortable. I'm still training and getting acclimated, but it's pretty much the same job that I had up in Hartford so I know what to expect and have the experience to do the job. One thing I did not expect, however, is the guy who masturbates in the men's room during his lunch hour. I kid you not. It's easily one of the most disturbing things I've had the unfortunate experience of hearing (on two separate occasions). Yes, there's a stall door separating him from other bathroom patrons, but it's pretty easy figure out what's going on. Gross. Should I contact someone? What do you do in this situation?
Moving on...
To my delight, the Boston Red Sox won the World Series and the New England Patriots are demolishing every team in their path. I spend a lot of time walking the puppy, taking him to the dog park, watching TV/movies with Trine, and reading. Trine got me the Nintendo Wii as an early birthday gift so that's been a lot of fun as well. I haven't been playing nearly enough guitar lately, but I aim to start writing music again soon. I bought a new toy for recording over the computer so hopefully I'll have some new music in the near future. A couple weeks back, I met up with some high school friends in Atlanta for our annual football excursion. Despite me not feeling 100%, it was still a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to the holidays and experiencing my first Christmas season in the south.
The hardest part has been dealing with my current symptoms: jaundice, severe itching at times, low energy and a general 'blah' feeling. I have a new job, new living situation, new responsibilities, not the least of which is an extremely high energy puppy, and it's really tough coming home from work feeling like I just want to sleep.
Sadly, I've had to sacrifice some plans that I was really looking forward to. Trine and I had a trip to Maine planned for Thanksgiving. I have been advised that it would be a bad idea to be so far away from the transplant center in Miami. I was really looking forward to seeing family up there, but I realize that my health is 1 right now and I don't want to be in Maine and have something go wrong. Thankfully, my mother, her boyfriend and my brother also live in south Florida now so they will join us for the holiday. It will be a while before I am able to travel again.
This is very hard for me. So much has changed in so little time. I haven't had a lot of energy lately. I don't exercise regularly right now and miss it. There is a gym in our building and if I feel up to it, I might try and do light workouts in the coming weeks, but I will be not working to build muscle for quite some time. I enjoy being down here, but miss my friends and family back home. I am saddened that visiting with them is no longer as simple as booking a flight and spending a weekend in Connecticut.
Visitors are always welcome and the support of Trine, my friends and my family is going to be especially important in the coming months.
If you've read this to the end, thank you.
Sincerely, Ryan
Thank you in advance for reading this blog. This is particularly important because it's one of the more serious entries I've ever written. I've talked to some of you on the phone so this may not be a surprise to everyone, but for those of you whom I have not been in contact with in the past month or so, this is the best way for me to keep in touch at the moment.
Those of you who know me, or have kept up with my blogs, remember the situation this past summer where I wound up in the hospital with severe jaundice (yellowing of the skin and eyes due to bile in the bloodstream a.k.a bilirubin level), elevated liver enzymes and an intense headache. Most of you also know that I have had Biliary Atresia, a rare liver disorder, since birth. I've gotten 27 years out of a damaged liver and am grateful for every moment.
Up until July, I had been the picture of good health. I watched my diet and worked out 4-6 days/week. In July, I spent eight days in the hospital. The doctors ran all sorts of tests (spinal tap, liver biopsy, CT scan, X-rays) but all they did was rule out diagnoses. I was released with a "wait and see" discharge plan. The doctors had attributed my illness to an acute toxic injury, possibly due to a weight lifting supplement I had been using, and were confident that with time, and a low fat, high protein diet, all would be well. They were wrong.
Since my hospitalization, I've continued to battle elevated liver ezymes and decreased liver function, resulting in jaundice (bilirubin 10 times my normal range), itching and general discomfort. For example, most people have a bilirubin of less than 1. I've always been between 2 and 3 because of my Biliary Atresia. As of my labs last week, my bilirubin was at 28. Sometimes my episodes would coincide with me eating a meal high in fat or protein, most notably pizza. Things would level off, then spike again. I spent weeks trying to figure out what in my diet/environment could be causing me to get sick. Dairy? Fat? I was not getting the answers I needed. The 'wait and see' mentality was getting me nowhere. I was aggravated because I'd never dealt with this before. I'd been so healthy that I was quick to take my docs word and didn't always know what questions to ask, or think that I should doubt the diagnosis. I could not deny, however, that my liver was still acting up.
In the midst of all of this, I made the decision to quit my job and move to Miami, Florida to be with my girlfriend, Trine, and our puppy, Niles. Trine assured me that the doctors in Miami were amazing and would get to the bottom of what was making me ill. Just before I left, I had another episode of jaundice. I had labs done, my bili was very high and the doctors wanted to bring me in for tests to determine if there was a blockage in the bile flow. I was supposed to leave on September 24 and they wanted me to come on in on September 27. Against doctor's advice, I opted to leave for Miami anyway. Despite the labs, I was feeling good. I got one last set of labs and left the morning on September 24 as scheduled. Later that day, I found out my labs indeed looked a lot better than the previous week. Another piece of good news came the following day as I was traveling through North Carolina; I got the job offer that I had been waiting for, complete with benefits (medical insurance!) starting immediately and a base salary beyond what I was expecting. Life was good.
I got through about a week of life in Miami before I got sick again. My skin became jaundiced and itchy again and I was throwing up every so often. While I knew I needed to see a specialist, in the meantime I made an appointment with a general practitioner in order to get labs done and found that my liver functions were once again elevated. After keeping a food log, together (though mostly Trine's idea) we concluded that my liver could no longer handle large amounts of protein. As someone who has always enjoyed a high protein diet, this was a hard realization. I'd only worked out a handful of times since July, lost a lot of weight and, while I still had some muscle tone, my muscle mass was reduced. This was hard enough, but cutting out protein, the building blocks of muscle, was tougher still. I started a very low protein diet (vegetarian, for the most part) and I did see improvement in both appearance and the way I felt overall. I realized that this was only a band-aid solution. My general practitioner would be good for getting labs and a check-up, but I needed to see a real liver specialist. Trine, whose love and support (and connections at the hospital) have been invaluable to me during this time, was able to get me an appointment with one of the best hepatologists in the country, Dr. Eugene Schiff. We faxed him my medical records and, before I even saw Schiff on October 23, he had made up his mind: I would need a liver transplant.
While I wasn't expecting to need a transplant, I was grateful for answers. The doctors up north had provided none. To my relief, my health issues weren't due to anything I was doing; not the creatine supplement, not the fat, not the protein. I was finally becoming symptomatic of the secondary biliary cirrhosis caused by my liver disorder. My family did not seem surprised by this and always knew that transplantation was a possibility.
Overall, there's a feeling of optimism between myself, my family, Trine and the doctors. I'm young, relatively healthy and will get through the transplant, and subsequent recovery. I will feel better than ever; better than I did on my healthiest day pre-transplant. The liver is the body's engine. When it's on the fritz, everything suffers. I'm finding that out firsthand. But I'm getting a new engine and my body is going to feel unlike it ever has before.
While I'm 110% optimistic about the transplant and recovery, it's the waiting that's got me feeling anxious. I'm in the process of getting various tests and procedures done so they can place me on the list for transplant. If all goes well, I will be on that list by early December. Then I wait. Trine's mother said she would be surprised if I was waiting for more than a few months, but I must try to prepare myself to wait as long as necessary and hope that I can maintain a good level of health until then.
In the interim, I'm doing my best to just live my life. My new job is going alright. Sometimes it's hard to concentrate and stay focused when I'm feeling uncomfortable. I'm still training and getting acclimated, but it's pretty much the same job that I had up in Hartford so I know what to expect and have the experience to do the job. One thing I did not expect, however, is the guy who masturbates in the men's room during his lunch hour. I kid you not. It's easily one of the most disturbing things I've had the unfortunate experience of hearing (on two separate occasions). Yes, there's a stall door separating him from other bathroom patrons, but it's pretty easy figure out what's going on. Gross. Should I contact someone? What do you do in this situation?
Moving on...
To my delight, the Boston Red Sox won the World Series and the New England Patriots are demolishing every team in their path. I spend a lot of time walking the puppy, taking him to the dog park, watching TV/movies with Trine, and reading. Trine got me the Nintendo Wii as an early birthday gift so that's been a lot of fun as well. I haven't been playing nearly enough guitar lately, but I aim to start writing music again soon. I bought a new toy for recording over the computer so hopefully I'll have some new music in the near future. A couple weeks back, I met up with some high school friends in Atlanta for our annual football excursion. Despite me not feeling 100%, it was still a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to the holidays and experiencing my first Christmas season in the south.
The hardest part has been dealing with my current symptoms: jaundice, severe itching at times, low energy and a general 'blah' feeling. I have a new job, new living situation, new responsibilities, not the least of which is an extremely high energy puppy, and it's really tough coming home from work feeling like I just want to sleep.
Sadly, I've had to sacrifice some plans that I was really looking forward to. Trine and I had a trip to Maine planned for Thanksgiving. I have been advised that it would be a bad idea to be so far away from the transplant center in Miami. I was really looking forward to seeing family up there, but I realize that my health is 1 right now and I don't want to be in Maine and have something go wrong. Thankfully, my mother, her boyfriend and my brother also live in south Florida now so they will join us for the holiday. It will be a while before I am able to travel again.
This is very hard for me. So much has changed in so little time. I haven't had a lot of energy lately. I don't exercise regularly right now and miss it. There is a gym in our building and if I feel up to it, I might try and do light workouts in the coming weeks, but I will be not working to build muscle for quite some time. I enjoy being down here, but miss my friends and family back home. I am saddened that visiting with them is no longer as simple as booking a flight and spending a weekend in Connecticut.
Visitors are always welcome and the support of Trine, my friends and my family is going to be especially important in the coming months.
If you've read this to the end, thank you.
Sincerely, Ryan
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