Hi all,
So it's been a few weeks since I was let out of the hospital. For the most part, things have been going well. I had a bit of setback on Saturday night, which resulted elevated bilirubin levels and I once again have a bit of a yellow hue. However, I'm on the mend. It's just going to take some time for things to return to normal. My liver functions are either the same or better than they were when I was released. So, slowly but surely, I'm getting back to my old self. I've gotten back to the gym a few times. I've lost a considerable amount of strength, but retained a decent amount of muscle tone so it shouldn't be too hard to come full circle once I'm back at the gym on a regular basis.
In other news, I've booked my first ever solo acoustic show for Saturday, August 25 @ Starbucks on Hebron Ave. in Glastonbury, CT. As many of you know, my acoustic group Championship Vinyl was supposed to have an awesome final show about a month back, but due to my illness, we were unable to perform. Beau has since moved to Michigan and on to the next adventure in his life. I'm incredibly happy for him. Meanwhile, I'm hangin' in Connecticut till I find a job in Florida. I'm really excited about playing this show and hope that people in the area will come out and join me. I'll be playing some Champ Vinyl tunes, some covers and a bunch of new tunes I've written. I'll have copies of my CD available for sale (cheap!).
Ok, onto the fun stuff!
I Doesn't Like Sara Lee!!
I really dislike the slogan for Sara Lee, the popular dessert maker. Like me, many people probably think the slogan is "Nobody Does It Like Sara Lee," which would actually make sense. It's actually "Nobody Doesn't Like Sara Lee," which just plain obnoxious. Why not "Nobody Doesn't Not Like Sara Lee?" or "Sara Lee is Not Not Liked by Nobody." If you're going for the confusing, take it all the way!
To Be Blunt…
This needs to be said. It's been a long time coming and I've kept my mouth shut, but I can't any longer. James Blunt is terrible. His song "Beautiful" is downright atrocious. I know there are some women reading this thinking, "But, it's such a sweet song!" No, it's not. The guy sings like a chick to chicks and somehow chicks eat it up. His lyrics indicate a musical partnership with a lovesick 12 year old boy. I recently read that his new record is going to "revolutionize soft rock." It doesn't take much to revolutionize soft rock. When a white guy with a jerry curl and a saxophone that looks like a flute can revolutionize soft rock, the bar isn't set very high to begin with. I saw an interview where Blunt said that he doesn't care about people criticizing him or "Beautiful" because that song has gotten him laid a ton. To that I wittily retort: Enjoy your bounty. You still suck.
Oh, Henry!
Well, it's done. Baseball's taint, Barry Bonds*, finally broke the homerun record. Congrats to Barry and his chromagnum forehead. Hitting 756 homeruns: So easy a caveman can do it. Sorry, Henry 'Hank' Aaron. It's a bittersweet moment in baseball history; well, mostly bitter, but I suppose there are a lot of Barry fans out there.
I know some Barry supporters argue that steroids can't make you hit a ball. I agree with this wholeheartedly. I'm not saying Barry isn't a good ball player. He has an eye for pitches that allow him to make good swings and connect with the ball. After all, you can't get a home run if you don't hit the ball in the first place. I won't deny that the guy deserves a lot of credit. That being said, while steroids don't help Barry hit the ball, I'm sure having that chemically engineered power behind the bat helped fuel some of those homeruns that might otherwise have stayed inside the park. It's a tainted accomplishment any way you look at it.
You know who should have to take steroids? Golfers! It might make that game watchable on some level. How I'd love to see Tiger Woods with 'roid rage; throwing around his clubs, splashing in the water traps, tossing handfuls of dirt at people from the sandtraps. Hell, I'd just like to see him crush a golf ball so far it leaves the course. I bet it'd be tough to hit a putt with a syringe of anabolic goodies coursing through his system. Oh well...one can dream!
Enjoy your Wednesday
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Barry being Barry
Monday, July 23, 2007
The Past Two Weeks...
The following is a pretty in-depth account of the past two weeks. I wanted to get it down in writing the best I could.
The past couple of weeks have been a blur. I started a normal weekend on July 7 and by the next night was suffering from abdominal pains and severe headaches. Eventually, through the urging of my girlfriend (because I'm very stubborn) I saw a doctor for the pain and eventually wound up in the ER and, ultimately, admitted to the hospital for eight days.
Though the headaches were the catalyst, something else was very wrong. I had turned yellow practically overnight and blood tests showed that my liver functions and levels had gone through the roof, some as high as 10x higher than normal. I was put on heavy pain medication, though that was not enough to keep the headaches away. The pain meds would wear off way before I was due my next dose and I was miserable. Meanwhile, I was extremely jaundiced, hooked up to an IV because I could barely keep food and liquids down and having incredible vivid hallucinations and nightmares due to the pain medication.
Doctors performed CT scans, MRI's, facial X-rays, a spinal tap and, finally, a liver biopsy, along with drawing blood every day. The liver biopsy was by far the strangest of the tests. Because of complications, they had to go 'trans jugular' which, as it implies, means through the neck and jugular vein. I was medicated, but only so that I did not feel pain. I was awake and aware. I could actually feel the needle pulling the tiny slivers of my liver.
While the root cause of the headaches was never fully determined, doctors ruled out aneurysms, various forms of meningitis, liver cancers and other diseases associated with my liver disorder. While I am in the process of getting other opinions, the liver biopsy shows no blockages or signs of my original surgeries going awry. It shows an acute injury of some sort due to a toxin, which could possibly be the weight lifting supplement creatine that I've been on for some time. As I said, I will be getting a second opinion.
After about five days, the headaches began to subside and I was able to go off the pain medications, though, admittedly, I wanted to be back on them if only to help me sleep. Having never stayed overnight in a hospital since my initial surgeries as a baby, I had no idea how hard it is to sleep in a hospital when not heavily medicated. I had a series of roommates, all of which were admitted to hospital at approximately 4 a.m., thus ruining any chance at a full nights' sleep. Even the quiet nights were too quiet and sleeping medication did not do any good.
What helped me through these eight days (along with pain meds!) were the love and support of friends and family members. Everyday was a parade of various people coming to keep me company, even on the days where I was barely able to hold a conversation due to the medication. People brought me Gatorade, snacks, magazines, CDs, cards, flowers and various odd toys like bubble makers, a toy guitar, and something called the 'Grossinator,' which is highly entertaining and emits declarations such as "I'm going to make a big gross fart" at a volume that's too loud NOT to be hilarious.
During all this, I thought about those people stuck in hospitals for longer periods of time with no family or friends. I've only had a handful of friends and family members in the hospital, but I never fully realized how much it means to have that support when you're the one laid up. It was truly humbling and I know that if a friend or family member is ever in the hospital, I will make every effort to visit if only for a short time. It makes all the difference. I cannot stress that enough. My girlfriend has been incredibly supportive through all of this. She was only physically able to be with me for a short time during my hospitalization, but she helped run interference between the doctors, myself and my friends and family, and even kept friends on an online support message board for liver disease patients informed of my progress. I am incredibly grateful and appreciative of her, even if I had difficulty showing it at times. My mother flew up from Florida and my brother, father and aunt were with me practically every day at some point. Once again, I cannot stress the difference this made to my mental well being during this ordeal.
I've always known that I've had a liver disease, but I've never really felt like I had one. The past couple weeks showed me that I am not above getting sick, despite my being so healthy over the years. I eat well, exercise constantly and do almost everything in my power to stay healthy, though I know it's not always enough.
When I was let out of the hospital, I was happy, but more anxious than I thought I would be. Perhaps it's the way a prisoner feels when let out of jail; happy to be free, but with the question of "now what?" looming over. It's been great to eat real food, even if things haven't tasted the same. Hospital food is truly disgusting and I get a bit queasy even thinking about what passes for nutrition. In addition, sleep has still been hard to come by, though it's getting easier each night.
I'm currently out of work, but plan on returning in one week. I certainly need the rest. My color is getting better, but I'm still a bit yellow; my appetite is strong, but things still taste a little 'off'. Sadly, Championship Vinyl had to cancel our final show at Javapalooza last Saturday night, which was pretty hard. We were both really looking forward to it and had an amazing night planned. I don't know if we will be able to reschedule, though we will be discussing it.
My health is my number one priority right now. Things have been improving and the doctor is optimistic, as am I. Once back to 100%, I aim to resume heavy job searching and make the move south. I'm also hoping to play an acoustic show or two, whether on my own or with Championship Vinyl. There are so many changes ahead; it's both exciting and scary.
To anyone and everyone who visited me in the hospital, called to follow up or wish me well, or simply read this blog all the way through: Thank you.
The past couple of weeks have been a blur. I started a normal weekend on July 7 and by the next night was suffering from abdominal pains and severe headaches. Eventually, through the urging of my girlfriend (because I'm very stubborn) I saw a doctor for the pain and eventually wound up in the ER and, ultimately, admitted to the hospital for eight days.
Though the headaches were the catalyst, something else was very wrong. I had turned yellow practically overnight and blood tests showed that my liver functions and levels had gone through the roof, some as high as 10x higher than normal. I was put on heavy pain medication, though that was not enough to keep the headaches away. The pain meds would wear off way before I was due my next dose and I was miserable. Meanwhile, I was extremely jaundiced, hooked up to an IV because I could barely keep food and liquids down and having incredible vivid hallucinations and nightmares due to the pain medication.
Doctors performed CT scans, MRI's, facial X-rays, a spinal tap and, finally, a liver biopsy, along with drawing blood every day. The liver biopsy was by far the strangest of the tests. Because of complications, they had to go 'trans jugular' which, as it implies, means through the neck and jugular vein. I was medicated, but only so that I did not feel pain. I was awake and aware. I could actually feel the needle pulling the tiny slivers of my liver.
While the root cause of the headaches was never fully determined, doctors ruled out aneurysms, various forms of meningitis, liver cancers and other diseases associated with my liver disorder. While I am in the process of getting other opinions, the liver biopsy shows no blockages or signs of my original surgeries going awry. It shows an acute injury of some sort due to a toxin, which could possibly be the weight lifting supplement creatine that I've been on for some time. As I said, I will be getting a second opinion.
After about five days, the headaches began to subside and I was able to go off the pain medications, though, admittedly, I wanted to be back on them if only to help me sleep. Having never stayed overnight in a hospital since my initial surgeries as a baby, I had no idea how hard it is to sleep in a hospital when not heavily medicated. I had a series of roommates, all of which were admitted to hospital at approximately 4 a.m., thus ruining any chance at a full nights' sleep. Even the quiet nights were too quiet and sleeping medication did not do any good.
What helped me through these eight days (along with pain meds!) were the love and support of friends and family members. Everyday was a parade of various people coming to keep me company, even on the days where I was barely able to hold a conversation due to the medication. People brought me Gatorade, snacks, magazines, CDs, cards, flowers and various odd toys like bubble makers, a toy guitar, and something called the 'Grossinator,' which is highly entertaining and emits declarations such as "I'm going to make a big gross fart" at a volume that's too loud NOT to be hilarious.
During all this, I thought about those people stuck in hospitals for longer periods of time with no family or friends. I've only had a handful of friends and family members in the hospital, but I never fully realized how much it means to have that support when you're the one laid up. It was truly humbling and I know that if a friend or family member is ever in the hospital, I will make every effort to visit if only for a short time. It makes all the difference. I cannot stress that enough. My girlfriend has been incredibly supportive through all of this. She was only physically able to be with me for a short time during my hospitalization, but she helped run interference between the doctors, myself and my friends and family, and even kept friends on an online support message board for liver disease patients informed of my progress. I am incredibly grateful and appreciative of her, even if I had difficulty showing it at times. My mother flew up from Florida and my brother, father and aunt were with me practically every day at some point. Once again, I cannot stress the difference this made to my mental well being during this ordeal.
I've always known that I've had a liver disease, but I've never really felt like I had one. The past couple weeks showed me that I am not above getting sick, despite my being so healthy over the years. I eat well, exercise constantly and do almost everything in my power to stay healthy, though I know it's not always enough.
When I was let out of the hospital, I was happy, but more anxious than I thought I would be. Perhaps it's the way a prisoner feels when let out of jail; happy to be free, but with the question of "now what?" looming over. It's been great to eat real food, even if things haven't tasted the same. Hospital food is truly disgusting and I get a bit queasy even thinking about what passes for nutrition. In addition, sleep has still been hard to come by, though it's getting easier each night.
I'm currently out of work, but plan on returning in one week. I certainly need the rest. My color is getting better, but I'm still a bit yellow; my appetite is strong, but things still taste a little 'off'. Sadly, Championship Vinyl had to cancel our final show at Javapalooza last Saturday night, which was pretty hard. We were both really looking forward to it and had an amazing night planned. I don't know if we will be able to reschedule, though we will be discussing it.
My health is my number one priority right now. Things have been improving and the doctor is optimistic, as am I. Once back to 100%, I aim to resume heavy job searching and make the move south. I'm also hoping to play an acoustic show or two, whether on my own or with Championship Vinyl. There are so many changes ahead; it's both exciting and scary.
To anyone and everyone who visited me in the hospital, called to follow up or wish me well, or simply read this blog all the way through: Thank you.
Friday, July 6, 2007
My Favorite Things
Minor Inconveniences
In Enid Oklahoma, a pair of pre-teen sisters (ages 12 and 10) were arrested for abducting their neighbor's one year old son and demanding $200,000 for his return. They broke into the home, stole the baby and left a note reading, "If you want to see your son again then you won't call police and report him missing and you will leave $200,000 on the sofa tonight and we will return your son back safe." It was signed "the kidnappers." The girls' identities were not divulged because of their age.
See, this is what burns me. I think the community has a right to know who these freakshows are. Fuck their age. If they're old enough to commit a felony, they should be old enough to deal with the repercussions. This isn't Africa! You can't just go around stealing babies! I am so sick of hearing about criminals coddled and protected because of their age. Kids are in such a hurry to grow up and do "adult" things like take drugs, have sex, murder people, and now apparently abduction-for-ransom schemes, so why not make them accountable in the same way that adults are?
Meanwhile, in Orange Beach, Alabama, police chased a drunk driver for miles along a highway at speeds up to 100 mph. For a resort town like Orange Beach, a drunk driver is nothing out of the ordinary. However, the real surprise was that the person at the wheel was an 11 year old girl. Oh, and that Alabama has a resort town. Who knew? Of course, her name was not released because of her age. Her BAC was higher than .02, the legal limit for minors. I didn't realize that minors had a legal limit. I thought drinking was illegal if you were a minor. I stand corrected. Again, citizens need to be aware that this bitch is on the road. Her name should be plastered all over the news. She does not deserve protection. Those who violate the rights and safeties of others should not have their rights protected to such a degree. Am I the only person who thinks of this stuff? The world is lucky I have no desire to get involved in politics.
My favorite things….
As you know, I write a lot about things that piss me off, but rarely do I blog about things that actually make me happy. So, for a change, I've decided to compile a list of things that bring a smile to my face, a warmth to my heart and a tightening to my pants. Get it? Here goes nothing:
· I like watching a speeding car get pulled over by the police
· I like it when a celebrity goes bankrupt
· I like it when a celebrity checks into rehab
· I like it when an unfit mother loses her parental rights
Ok, I know those things are kind of mean, but I need to ease into this whole "I like" stuff….
· I like going to sleep next to my girlfriend, Trine
· I like waking up next to Trine
· I like jokes about your mom
· I like it when a shark attacks a bear. (Doesn't happen often, I imagine, but how cool would that be?)
· I like (am fascinated by) all things related to the sinking/discovery of the Titanic
· I like blue whales. (They're so fucking huge!)
· I like the Boston Red Sox
· I like walk off home runs!
· I like the New England Patriots
· I like Special K Chocolatey Delight cereal
· I like Harry Potter books
· I like books on CD
· I like Family Guy
· I like stand-up comedians
· I like piano pop
· I like lifting weights
· I like Tetris (Thank you, Russia).
· I like when the rest of an album is better than the radio single
· I like old WWF wrestling videos from the 80's and 90's
· I like the words "nipple" and "breasticle"
· I like 80's metal bands where the dudes all looked like chicks
· I like fart jokes
· I like when I don't see a good friend for a while and then we get together and it's like nothing has changed
· I like the "c word"
· I like physical comedy
· I like sex first thing in the morning
· I like sex last thing before bed
· I like sex pretty much anytime I can get it
· I like diner breakfasts
· I like maple syrup on EVERYTHING
· I like when people leave comments on my MySpace page
· I like beef jerky
· I like heavy metal guitar solos
· I like acoustic guitar music
· I like performing with Championship Vinyl
· I like writing music
· I like when a reality show gets cancelled
· I like Three's Company
· I like when two girls at a bar kiss to get attention (and free drinks) and no one cares
· I like having a totally ridiculous conversation with Beau that ends with the both of us in hysterics
· I like Hawaiian pizza (w/ ham as opposed to bacon)
· I like sushi. (Ok, I love sushi)
· I like that first spoonful of peanut butter from a brand new jar
· I like movies with happy endings
· I like massages with happy endings
· I like it when overly sensitive, politically-correct people get offended
· I like it when the daughter of some stuffy politician turns out to be gay
· I like the when someone asks someone else, "What's the capital of Thailand?" And then says, "Bangkok!" and punches that person in the nuts. Funny shit!
· I like movies about freakishly huge and out of control animals.
· I like when a girl bends over and her thong shows (assuming that she has any business wearing a thong). This is called a 'whale tail", and no, it has nothing to do with the girl's weight
I also like the weekend!! Enjoy yours!
In Enid Oklahoma, a pair of pre-teen sisters (ages 12 and 10) were arrested for abducting their neighbor's one year old son and demanding $200,000 for his return. They broke into the home, stole the baby and left a note reading, "If you want to see your son again then you won't call police and report him missing and you will leave $200,000 on the sofa tonight and we will return your son back safe." It was signed "the kidnappers." The girls' identities were not divulged because of their age.
See, this is what burns me. I think the community has a right to know who these freakshows are. Fuck their age. If they're old enough to commit a felony, they should be old enough to deal with the repercussions. This isn't Africa! You can't just go around stealing babies! I am so sick of hearing about criminals coddled and protected because of their age. Kids are in such a hurry to grow up and do "adult" things like take drugs, have sex, murder people, and now apparently abduction-for-ransom schemes, so why not make them accountable in the same way that adults are?
Meanwhile, in Orange Beach, Alabama, police chased a drunk driver for miles along a highway at speeds up to 100 mph. For a resort town like Orange Beach, a drunk driver is nothing out of the ordinary. However, the real surprise was that the person at the wheel was an 11 year old girl. Oh, and that Alabama has a resort town. Who knew? Of course, her name was not released because of her age. Her BAC was higher than .02, the legal limit for minors. I didn't realize that minors had a legal limit. I thought drinking was illegal if you were a minor. I stand corrected. Again, citizens need to be aware that this bitch is on the road. Her name should be plastered all over the news. She does not deserve protection. Those who violate the rights and safeties of others should not have their rights protected to such a degree. Am I the only person who thinks of this stuff? The world is lucky I have no desire to get involved in politics.
My favorite things….
As you know, I write a lot about things that piss me off, but rarely do I blog about things that actually make me happy. So, for a change, I've decided to compile a list of things that bring a smile to my face, a warmth to my heart and a tightening to my pants. Get it? Here goes nothing:
· I like watching a speeding car get pulled over by the police
· I like it when a celebrity goes bankrupt
· I like it when a celebrity checks into rehab
· I like it when an unfit mother loses her parental rights
Ok, I know those things are kind of mean, but I need to ease into this whole "I like" stuff….
· I like going to sleep next to my girlfriend, Trine
· I like waking up next to Trine
· I like jokes about your mom
· I like it when a shark attacks a bear. (Doesn't happen often, I imagine, but how cool would that be?)
· I like (am fascinated by) all things related to the sinking/discovery of the Titanic
· I like blue whales. (They're so fucking huge!)
· I like the Boston Red Sox
· I like walk off home runs!
· I like the New England Patriots
· I like Special K Chocolatey Delight cereal
· I like Harry Potter books
· I like books on CD
· I like Family Guy
· I like stand-up comedians
· I like piano pop
· I like lifting weights
· I like Tetris (Thank you, Russia).
· I like when the rest of an album is better than the radio single
· I like old WWF wrestling videos from the 80's and 90's
· I like the words "nipple" and "breasticle"
· I like 80's metal bands where the dudes all looked like chicks
· I like fart jokes
· I like when I don't see a good friend for a while and then we get together and it's like nothing has changed
· I like the "c word"
· I like physical comedy
· I like sex first thing in the morning
· I like sex last thing before bed
· I like sex pretty much anytime I can get it
· I like diner breakfasts
· I like maple syrup on EVERYTHING
· I like when people leave comments on my MySpace page
· I like beef jerky
· I like heavy metal guitar solos
· I like acoustic guitar music
· I like performing with Championship Vinyl
· I like writing music
· I like when a reality show gets cancelled
· I like Three's Company
· I like when two girls at a bar kiss to get attention (and free drinks) and no one cares
· I like having a totally ridiculous conversation with Beau that ends with the both of us in hysterics
· I like Hawaiian pizza (w/ ham as opposed to bacon)
· I like sushi. (Ok, I love sushi)
· I like that first spoonful of peanut butter from a brand new jar
· I like movies with happy endings
· I like massages with happy endings
· I like it when overly sensitive, politically-correct people get offended
· I like it when the daughter of some stuffy politician turns out to be gay
· I like the when someone asks someone else, "What's the capital of Thailand?" And then says, "Bangkok!" and punches that person in the nuts. Funny shit!
· I like movies about freakishly huge and out of control animals.
· I like when a girl bends over and her thong shows (assuming that she has any business wearing a thong). This is called a 'whale tail", and no, it has nothing to do with the girl's weight
I also like the weekend!! Enjoy yours!
Monday, July 2, 2007
Do NOT Feed the Strippers!
Breaking News: Bush commutes the prison sentence of Lewis 'Scooter' Libby, thus refuting the idea that rich, old white men just cannot catch a break these days!
Speaking of Bush, I know I crack on him a lot. There's always someone who says, "You may not agree with Bush, but at least he stands by what he believes in." This is a stupid way of looking at it. You know who else stood by what he believed in? Hitler. And Charles Manson. And Osama Bin Laden. Standing for something and standing for something good are two different things. This follows that same idiotic logic as the 'playing God' argument I wrote about in my last blog. Hey, you may not agree with me, but at least...nah!
The big news of last week was the double murder/suicide involving WWE Superstar Chris Benoit, his wife and their seven year old mentally disabled son. True story: I ran into Benoit in the airport in Atlanta last year as he was coming out of the rest room. I said, "Hi Chris," he said, "What's up?" and kept walking. I can honestly say I saw no indication that he could commit such an act of savagery.
First off, I get antsy about the media's liberal use of the word tragedy. Tragedy is a word people love to use to dramatize everything. Benoit murdering his wife and child is certainly a tragedy; however, suicide is not a tragedy; it's a coward's way out. Though, I will say that it's tragic that Benoit's life got to the point where he felt like murder/suicide was only solution.
Another thing that pisses me off how people say things like, "There's no excuse for killing a seven year old," as if killing his wife was excusable. I know it's an attempt to seem empathetic, but I feel it just comes across as stupid and callous. Barring self defense or extenuating circumstances, there's no excuse for taking a human life, be it a seven year old child or a 43 year old woman. I don't agree that either of the murders were any more or less horrific than the other and the enormity of Benoit's crimes should not be skewed because there was a child involved.
Lastly, we all knew the media was going to blame steroids. Why not? We need to satisfy the "why" question and legally prescribed steroids were found in the house. But from what I've read, I do not see steroids as being the culprit. His latest test for steroids was negative and the murders did not appear to be the product of rage, but rather deliberation. He placed Bibles next to each of the bodies; however, no one's bringing up the ludicrous idea that he sacrificed his family to appease God. Right, because that sounds idiotic. Steroids are an easy target given the industry he was in. I do not condone steroids. They have a bad reputation, and deservingly so. I'm not saying I don't think the guy juiced; I'm sure he did. We'll probably never know why he killed his wife, child, then himself, but I'm not buying 'roid rage as a viable reason. There were bigger issues involved.
Wait! Any possibly way to blame heavy metal music? No? Ok, carry on.
Does this make me cynical?
When I saw the news articles about Jessie Davis, the pregnant woman who went missing in Ohio and then was eventually found dead, the first thing I thought was, "Wow, she's made national headlines. She must be pretty."
Shut up and strip!
A judge in Salem, Oregon ruled that lap dances are covered under free speech, thus overturning a city wide ban on "prohibitive touching," or "sexually exciting physical contact for pay." I've never really thought of lap dances as being 'free speech' though if you look at dancing as an art form, then yes, dancing of this nature should be a first amendment right. I mean, if stripping is legal, then obviously lap dances should be as well. Thinking of lap dances and free speech in the same sentence don't always sit right with me (unintentional pun!) I actually think less speech should be involved in a lap dance, and stripping in general. Personally, I don't like it when strippers make conversation. Is it because I don't value them as human beings? No. Single mothers and psychology majors need to make a buck just like anyone else. I just think that when providing a service, a fantasy, talking about their boyfriends or law school ambitions only ruins it. Honestly, I'm not good at playing along. I know the reality is that this girl would not be looking at me if I did not have dollar bills in my hand and I'm Ok with that; however I'm not OK with the stripper trying to get to know me or telling me I'm handsome. I know I'm handsome! And I'm willing to bet my appeal goes up with every dollar bill I stuff into her thong.
Truth be told, I'm not a huge fan of strip clubs in general. Yes, they're a fun night out for bachelor parties and the strippers with bullet wounds, mullets and/or lazy eyes always make for a good time. But the clubs can be creepy. Here's what I mean: Often, there's at least one guy, mid to late 60's, sitting at the front of the stage w/ a wad of singles placed upon it. As is her duty, Lola (or Candy, Bambi, Sherri, insert sexy stripper name here) is squatting down writhing and showing off the goods, while this guy just stares at her bare vagina, mouth agape with an expression on his face like he's doing complex math in his head. The crippling fear of being ever being that guy is enough to keep me away from strip clubs aside from special occasions.
Happy 4th of July
Speaking of Bush, I know I crack on him a lot. There's always someone who says, "You may not agree with Bush, but at least he stands by what he believes in." This is a stupid way of looking at it. You know who else stood by what he believed in? Hitler. And Charles Manson. And Osama Bin Laden. Standing for something and standing for something good are two different things. This follows that same idiotic logic as the 'playing God' argument I wrote about in my last blog. Hey, you may not agree with me, but at least...nah!
The big news of last week was the double murder/suicide involving WWE Superstar Chris Benoit, his wife and their seven year old mentally disabled son. True story: I ran into Benoit in the airport in Atlanta last year as he was coming out of the rest room. I said, "Hi Chris," he said, "What's up?" and kept walking. I can honestly say I saw no indication that he could commit such an act of savagery.
First off, I get antsy about the media's liberal use of the word tragedy. Tragedy is a word people love to use to dramatize everything. Benoit murdering his wife and child is certainly a tragedy; however, suicide is not a tragedy; it's a coward's way out. Though, I will say that it's tragic that Benoit's life got to the point where he felt like murder/suicide was only solution.
Another thing that pisses me off how people say things like, "There's no excuse for killing a seven year old," as if killing his wife was excusable. I know it's an attempt to seem empathetic, but I feel it just comes across as stupid and callous. Barring self defense or extenuating circumstances, there's no excuse for taking a human life, be it a seven year old child or a 43 year old woman. I don't agree that either of the murders were any more or less horrific than the other and the enormity of Benoit's crimes should not be skewed because there was a child involved.
Lastly, we all knew the media was going to blame steroids. Why not? We need to satisfy the "why" question and legally prescribed steroids were found in the house. But from what I've read, I do not see steroids as being the culprit. His latest test for steroids was negative and the murders did not appear to be the product of rage, but rather deliberation. He placed Bibles next to each of the bodies; however, no one's bringing up the ludicrous idea that he sacrificed his family to appease God. Right, because that sounds idiotic. Steroids are an easy target given the industry he was in. I do not condone steroids. They have a bad reputation, and deservingly so. I'm not saying I don't think the guy juiced; I'm sure he did. We'll probably never know why he killed his wife, child, then himself, but I'm not buying 'roid rage as a viable reason. There were bigger issues involved.
Wait! Any possibly way to blame heavy metal music? No? Ok, carry on.
Does this make me cynical?
When I saw the news articles about Jessie Davis, the pregnant woman who went missing in Ohio and then was eventually found dead, the first thing I thought was, "Wow, she's made national headlines. She must be pretty."
Shut up and strip!
A judge in Salem, Oregon ruled that lap dances are covered under free speech, thus overturning a city wide ban on "prohibitive touching," or "sexually exciting physical contact for pay." I've never really thought of lap dances as being 'free speech' though if you look at dancing as an art form, then yes, dancing of this nature should be a first amendment right. I mean, if stripping is legal, then obviously lap dances should be as well. Thinking of lap dances and free speech in the same sentence don't always sit right with me (unintentional pun!) I actually think less speech should be involved in a lap dance, and stripping in general. Personally, I don't like it when strippers make conversation. Is it because I don't value them as human beings? No. Single mothers and psychology majors need to make a buck just like anyone else. I just think that when providing a service, a fantasy, talking about their boyfriends or law school ambitions only ruins it. Honestly, I'm not good at playing along. I know the reality is that this girl would not be looking at me if I did not have dollar bills in my hand and I'm Ok with that; however I'm not OK with the stripper trying to get to know me or telling me I'm handsome. I know I'm handsome! And I'm willing to bet my appeal goes up with every dollar bill I stuff into her thong.
Truth be told, I'm not a huge fan of strip clubs in general. Yes, they're a fun night out for bachelor parties and the strippers with bullet wounds, mullets and/or lazy eyes always make for a good time. But the clubs can be creepy. Here's what I mean: Often, there's at least one guy, mid to late 60's, sitting at the front of the stage w/ a wad of singles placed upon it. As is her duty, Lola (or Candy, Bambi, Sherri, insert sexy stripper name here) is squatting down writhing and showing off the goods, while this guy just stares at her bare vagina, mouth agape with an expression on his face like he's doing complex math in his head. The crippling fear of being ever being that guy is enough to keep me away from strip clubs aside from special occasions.
Happy 4th of July
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Embry-NO!
Embry-NO!
As expected, President Bush vetoed the stem cell research bill, once again letting his religious and moral beliefs affect his ability to do any good for this country. Said Hillary Clinton: "This is just one example of how the president puts ideology before science, politics before the needs of our families, just one more example of how out of touch with reality he and his party have become." Amen Sister! Where's your Myspace page? I'm sending you a friend request as I write this. Oh, how cute. Barak Obama left you a picture comment.
Bush claims that putting an end to a human life for research purposes (as opposed to oil, right?) is one line that he will not cross, yet he comes from Texas, a state that takes pride in how many criminals they kill. Apparently, once you commit a felony, you're no longer a human being in the eyes of the law (and the religious right). Hey! Why not conduct medical experiments on convicts? Or Iraqis! Wouldn't that solve everyone's problem? Holy crap! I could be president. Ok, I digress.
Calling a stem cell a human being is like a calling a cocoa bean a Hershey bar. There is a long way to go before totipotent cells (embryonic stem cells) even think of becoming a fetus. Most of the research being done can be conducted on pluripotent or multipotent cells, which are not embryonic stem cells. Also, do not confuse totipotent, pluripotent and multipotent cells with fluripotent cells, which I completely made up.
(Thanks to Trine for helping me straighten out some facts. In hindsight, "Who gives a flying fuck about embryos" isn't the most coherent argument.)
Within this debate, I often hear the term "playing God" thrown around by people who like clichés and don't like thinking for themselves. Well, you know what? The entire field of medicine is "playing God". I would not be here if my doctor hadn't played God 26 years ago, nor would my girlfriend or countless others who are not lucky to be genetically perfect. Medication is 'playing God.' Whether you're popping pills to keep your cholesterol down or your dick up, you're playing God. Those Christian Scientist fuckbags have a point; the difference is that I am not insane. I actually value human life so I say, "Bring it on Doc. Play God!" If you want to bring religion into this argument, one could argue that God gave us the technology to be able to use for the greater good, i.e. saving human lives and making sure that I can still rock a 3 hour and 59 minute long erection when I'm 70 without having to consult a physician.
Say What Now?
I recently read that a brand new video game called 'Manhunt 2' was banned by British censors for depicting 'casual sadism.' What is that? Torturing someone while wearing jeans?
You know what I love? Walk off home runs. Baseball season is a wondrous time of year. Go Sox!
Bruised Apple? Pilot Inspektor to the Rescue!
An intervention is needed. Celebrities are in crisis! It's common knowledge that many celebrities treat their kids like trophies, which is awful enough. Even the celebrities who do not adopt still find ways to let the world know they're selfish assholes. This is evident in the names celebs give their children. For example, Apple Martin, Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf-Lee, Suri Cruise and Coco Arquette are all real names bestowed upon celebrity spawn. Sly Stallone named his kid Sage Moonblood. I shit you not.
No kid is going to enjoy being named Apple or Coco. That sounds more like my breakfast than suitable names for a child. When Kal-el (Nicholas Cage's son) is getting beat up on the playground, the kids aren't going to care that his dad is famous, nor are they going to care that Kal-el is Superman's birth name. When Apple is being teased by the other kids, they won't care that her father makes boring music. I'm not saying everyone needs to be named Jessica or Joseph. There is certainly room for creativity and originality, but…come on. People are so fast to use the cliché "think of the children" so for fuck's sake, think of the children!
Grand Finales
Life doesn't always give you closure. Life doesn't always have neat tidy endings with clear and concise explanations as to what happened and why. So that's why we turn to TV! But sometimes, TV decides to fuck with our heads and give us a symbolic 'what does it all mean' ending that provides more questions than answers and just pisses us off. So we ask ourselves why we devoted the past 6 years following this television show (Sopranos!) just to have some artsy fartsy ending make us wonder if the power went out. Sometimes the pressure of it all can go to a script writer's head. David Chase knows he can't please everyone, so he opts to please no one but himself. Does Tony die? There are various signs that point to yes. That guy in the diner in the final scene happened to be the second cousin of a guy that Christopher 'whacked' back in episode 4 of season 3. What? You missed that episode? Damn, if only you'd had DVR back then. I haven't felt so empty by a series finale since Seinfeld. Then again, how do you end a show about nothing?
In all honesty, I'm over Sopranos. Some call the ending genius; others feel like they got 'whacked' in the end. But due to the fact that I've attended two wakes the span of six days, I can't help but think of finales. I began to ask myself how I would write the final day (episode) of my life I knew it was the end. Sometimes I picture an action packed episode with crazy explosions, fire fights and a climactic final scene! Perhaps even a topless scene. Hell, let's go full frontal. It's my last day! Other times, I think I'd opt for a dialogue driven, thoughtful and artistic ending with lots of symbolism, meaningful dialogue and, of course, a tastefully done full frontal nude scene. I'd go out with a simple final breath as the credits begin to roll; one final inhalation and then no more. It's an interesting thought to ponder and I'm honestly not sure how I would write it. All I know is that I would not let David Chase anywhere near the script!
By the way, one of the best, saddest, yet most satisfying finales I've seen was for the HBO show 'Six Feet Under.' Utterly amazing.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Why I Blog
Recently, I was called to task about something that I wrote in one of my blogs. It wasn't so much a critique of my blog, or a particular comment, but a personal attack, which also involved some very harsh comments towards my girlfriend, whom this person does not even know. This all started because my religious beliefs and lifestyle choices do not match those of this particular individual, including where religion is concerned. While I do not aim to belittle anyone's religion, the fact that I was attacked because my beliefs (religious and otherwise) did not sync up with those of this person only emphasized the fact that many hide misplaced anger, hatred and narrow mindedness behind the guise of religion. Growing up, I was taught to believe that religion was about tolerance, acceptance and love of all human beings, but what I have seen throughout my life, including this person's email, does not coincide with those teachings. I often picture God up there shaking his head in utter disgust saying, "This is not what I had in mind." On the other hand, I've known plenty of religious folks who are good, kind and decent people and who do live motivated by love and acceptance. Anyhow, the events of the past few days have got me thinking about why I write these blogs, besides apparently securing myself a spot in Hell.
My prime motivation is to get my thoughts and feelings down on "paper." I am a writer. There's always been a part of me that needs to express itself through words and music. I also happen to have what I'm told is a pretty good sense of humor; therefore I aim to make people think and laugh through my writing. If you can't agree with me, at least you can laugh while disagreeing. The fact that I've gotten lots of hits and comments about my blogs (most of them very positive) keeps me motivated and extra vigilant. My mind doesn't stop, though sometimes I wish it did.
Sometimes I get angry and I use my blogs to vent. Angry? Me? Haha…Ok, I may not always research facts or put together the most coherent arguments. Sometimes it's just stream of consciousness writing; venting my frustrations. I use my writing to blow off steam, much as a radio host might use the airwaves (oops! Bad example given recent events ) or as a boxer might use a speed bag. Think of my blogs as my personal punching bags. The downfall here is that by committing those words to print, they have a way of being taken as concrete.
Often, I say things to get a rise out of people. I've written some pretty outlandish things; things I don't even believe, but I find humorous. I once wrote that I didn't like bananas because they are selfish for turning brown if you don't eat them after 2 or 3 days, like a kid who cries if he's not the center of attention. It was a dumb joke, and it seemed funny at the time. The truth is, folks, I love bananas. When they turn brown I just toss in em' in the freezer and use them in protein shakes for good post work out carbohydrate boosts. My point is that not everything I write is meant to be taken seriously. Do I really care about Oprah's book club? Not really. I just wanted to fill the space and it was fun to bitch about.
Lastly, I write about controversial issues and I do state my opinion. Yes, I'm pro-choice, and no, I have nothing against gays getting married. Have at it. I'm a very open minded person, I'd like to think, and while we may disagree on things, I would hope that we can co-exist and even have civil conversations and good natured, intellectual debate. If you don't agree with my opinions, perhaps you appreciate the approach I take, the humor I infuse in my writing, or my use of language. If none of those things move you, then you do not have to read my blog. But I will continue to write.
My prime motivation is to get my thoughts and feelings down on "paper." I am a writer. There's always been a part of me that needs to express itself through words and music. I also happen to have what I'm told is a pretty good sense of humor; therefore I aim to make people think and laugh through my writing. If you can't agree with me, at least you can laugh while disagreeing. The fact that I've gotten lots of hits and comments about my blogs (most of them very positive) keeps me motivated and extra vigilant. My mind doesn't stop, though sometimes I wish it did.
Sometimes I get angry and I use my blogs to vent. Angry? Me? Haha…Ok, I may not always research facts or put together the most coherent arguments. Sometimes it's just stream of consciousness writing; venting my frustrations. I use my writing to blow off steam, much as a radio host might use the airwaves (oops! Bad example given recent events ) or as a boxer might use a speed bag. Think of my blogs as my personal punching bags. The downfall here is that by committing those words to print, they have a way of being taken as concrete.
Often, I say things to get a rise out of people. I've written some pretty outlandish things; things I don't even believe, but I find humorous. I once wrote that I didn't like bananas because they are selfish for turning brown if you don't eat them after 2 or 3 days, like a kid who cries if he's not the center of attention. It was a dumb joke, and it seemed funny at the time. The truth is, folks, I love bananas. When they turn brown I just toss in em' in the freezer and use them in protein shakes for good post work out carbohydrate boosts. My point is that not everything I write is meant to be taken seriously. Do I really care about Oprah's book club? Not really. I just wanted to fill the space and it was fun to bitch about.
Lastly, I write about controversial issues and I do state my opinion. Yes, I'm pro-choice, and no, I have nothing against gays getting married. Have at it. I'm a very open minded person, I'd like to think, and while we may disagree on things, I would hope that we can co-exist and even have civil conversations and good natured, intellectual debate. If you don't agree with my opinions, perhaps you appreciate the approach I take, the humor I infuse in my writing, or my use of language. If none of those things move you, then you do not have to read my blog. But I will continue to write.
Deja Vu!
Greetings and salutations!
Hold Your Applause!
In Galesburg, Illinois strange things are a-happening. Caisha Gayles graduated with honors last month, but she is still waiting for her diploma. Why? She and four others are being denied diplomas because their friends and families cheered too loudly for them as they crossed the stage at their graduation ceremony. I shit you not. This is yet another example of how our society is so ultra politically correct that they'll take absurd measures in order to avoid making anyone the least bit uncomfortable, whether it's those students who don't have lots of people cheering them on or other graduates' families. To the families: If people are cheering too loudly, too fuckin' bad. If you're the ones being obnoxious, perhaps try and keep your cheers at a respectful level. Graduation ceremonies are celebrations and should be treated as such. I think too many people forget what it was like to be young. And to students: If you have a group of people cheering for you, then good for you. If you don't, then get the fuck over it! The real world doesn't have a cheering section. Consider yourself ahead of the curve.
Regardless, it's not the fault of the graduates. If someone is acting inappropriately, then make them accountable. Often, a well placed "Shut the fuck up or I'll kill you in your sleep" can diffuse such a situation. If not, remove them from the ceremonies. Do not make the graduates suffer during what should be a memorable occasion. What kind of fucking idiots are running these events? Oh, that's right: the very same people responsible for educating today's young people. Interesting….
What a Pisser!
In Columbus, Ohio, the ACLU is fighting to have the identities of executioners revealed for public scrutiny after a number of botched executions. For instance, Christopher Newton's execution by lethal injection last month took 90 minutes and at least 10 stabs of the needle for the execution team to find a vein, which isn't so different from the people who set up blood drives when I was in high school, judging from half-dollar sized bruises they left on students' arms. The funniest part is that the execution took so long that they stopped to let Newton take a bathroom break. Seriously. If swabbing the arm with alcohol before the lethal injection isn't funny enough, this has to cause some laughter. In fact, I might need a bathroom break. What Mr. Newton may not have realized is that when a person dies, they...um, how do I say this? They involuntarily void their bowels. So any embarassment he was hoping to save himself was rendered pointless upon his death.
Hit the Road, Jack
Jack Kevorkian, lovingly known as 'Dr. Death' was released from prison last week. He walked out of Lakeland Correctional Facility in Coldwater, Michigan with his attorney and 60 minutes' resident octogenarian Mike Wallace. Kevorkian's stance on assisted suicide hasn't wavered, though he now vows to use only legal channels to try and get legislation changed regarding the controversial topic. In the meantime, Kevorkian has found another way to legally help people commit suicide: working at McDonald's.
Just Plain Creepy
Couples meet in all sorts of ways. I met my girlfriend online in a message board for people with liver disorders. Woody Allen met his wife when he married her mother. Some people even meet through classified ads in the paper, which is basically the old school version of online dating. However, the Hartford Advocate runs a feature called "Déjà Vu," by far the creepiest form of classified ads I've ever seen. This is an actual ad:
"Valentine's Day: Stop and Shop. 3:30 p.m., you were busy with a purchase. I noticed the warm energy radiating through you and felt as though it was directed to me. You seem like a strong, quiet, loving person and I felt very attracted to you. I like to dance and dream and ski. What about you?"
Basically, this freak show didn't have the balls to approach this person so they placed an ad in the paper taking the chance that the object of their desire was equally as lame and desperate. Not to mention that was Valentine's Day and it's now June, which gives the other person ample time to forget about the creep staring at them from check out counter. And before you ask, the reason I know about these types of ads is because a woman I used to work with told me she was mentioned in them on three separate occasions. My question is: how do you know? What prompts someone to even look in this section, let alone place an ad? What kinds of people are turned on by someone who doesn't even have the guts to approach you in person? If two people actually do find love (or lust) through these ads, then good for them. They deserve each other.
Hold Your Applause!
In Galesburg, Illinois strange things are a-happening. Caisha Gayles graduated with honors last month, but she is still waiting for her diploma. Why? She and four others are being denied diplomas because their friends and families cheered too loudly for them as they crossed the stage at their graduation ceremony. I shit you not. This is yet another example of how our society is so ultra politically correct that they'll take absurd measures in order to avoid making anyone the least bit uncomfortable, whether it's those students who don't have lots of people cheering them on or other graduates' families. To the families: If people are cheering too loudly, too fuckin' bad. If you're the ones being obnoxious, perhaps try and keep your cheers at a respectful level. Graduation ceremonies are celebrations and should be treated as such. I think too many people forget what it was like to be young. And to students: If you have a group of people cheering for you, then good for you. If you don't, then get the fuck over it! The real world doesn't have a cheering section. Consider yourself ahead of the curve.
Regardless, it's not the fault of the graduates. If someone is acting inappropriately, then make them accountable. Often, a well placed "Shut the fuck up or I'll kill you in your sleep" can diffuse such a situation. If not, remove them from the ceremonies. Do not make the graduates suffer during what should be a memorable occasion. What kind of fucking idiots are running these events? Oh, that's right: the very same people responsible for educating today's young people. Interesting….
What a Pisser!
In Columbus, Ohio, the ACLU is fighting to have the identities of executioners revealed for public scrutiny after a number of botched executions. For instance, Christopher Newton's execution by lethal injection last month took 90 minutes and at least 10 stabs of the needle for the execution team to find a vein, which isn't so different from the people who set up blood drives when I was in high school, judging from half-dollar sized bruises they left on students' arms. The funniest part is that the execution took so long that they stopped to let Newton take a bathroom break. Seriously. If swabbing the arm with alcohol before the lethal injection isn't funny enough, this has to cause some laughter. In fact, I might need a bathroom break. What Mr. Newton may not have realized is that when a person dies, they...um, how do I say this? They involuntarily void their bowels. So any embarassment he was hoping to save himself was rendered pointless upon his death.
Hit the Road, Jack
Jack Kevorkian, lovingly known as 'Dr. Death' was released from prison last week. He walked out of Lakeland Correctional Facility in Coldwater, Michigan with his attorney and 60 minutes' resident octogenarian Mike Wallace. Kevorkian's stance on assisted suicide hasn't wavered, though he now vows to use only legal channels to try and get legislation changed regarding the controversial topic. In the meantime, Kevorkian has found another way to legally help people commit suicide: working at McDonald's.
Just Plain Creepy
Couples meet in all sorts of ways. I met my girlfriend online in a message board for people with liver disorders. Woody Allen met his wife when he married her mother. Some people even meet through classified ads in the paper, which is basically the old school version of online dating. However, the Hartford Advocate runs a feature called "Déjà Vu," by far the creepiest form of classified ads I've ever seen. This is an actual ad:
"Valentine's Day: Stop and Shop. 3:30 p.m., you were busy with a purchase. I noticed the warm energy radiating through you and felt as though it was directed to me. You seem like a strong, quiet, loving person and I felt very attracted to you. I like to dance and dream and ski. What about you?"
Basically, this freak show didn't have the balls to approach this person so they placed an ad in the paper taking the chance that the object of their desire was equally as lame and desperate. Not to mention that was Valentine's Day and it's now June, which gives the other person ample time to forget about the creep staring at them from check out counter. And before you ask, the reason I know about these types of ads is because a woman I used to work with told me she was mentioned in them on three separate occasions. My question is: how do you know? What prompts someone to even look in this section, let alone place an ad? What kinds of people are turned on by someone who doesn't even have the guts to approach you in person? If two people actually do find love (or lust) through these ads, then good for them. They deserve each other.
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